Have I mentioned that everything is a vagina? Look for it, you’ll see it, I promise.
I’m gonna take your hand and drive you home
Kings of Leon in San Diego tonight. When TBU told me I immediately went to my laptop to buy our tickets. As the site was loading TBU said, “One hundred and seventy four dollars.” I then closed my portal to the interwebs and said, “Well that’s not happening.” One hundred and seventy four dollars for two fucking people to get other people’s sweat on them and strain to see the stage.* I’d have more fun visiting the graveyard from Easy Rider (no seriously, I’m doing that). Are you kidding me, I have the blu-ray, it’s easier to judge them if I can see them. And that’s what I’m doing right now. I’ve watched this blu-ray so many time I feel intimate with the audience.
(*I haven’t purchased arena concert tickets since No Doubt opened for U2 right after 9/11. Boy was that a shit show. Only because U2 bummed the whole mood by projecting the names of the dead onto the audience and it suddenly turned from Orange County happy fun time to serious political concert. And let’s be honest I was there for Gwen, not Bono (or The Edge even though I happily share an article in my name with him).)
At the last minute TBU’s co-worker called and said she had extra tickets for us. We declined and went drinking with people our own age.
I finished my fourth drink of the night as My Party played and TBU offered to get my fifth, at which point I became irate at the ridiculousness of such a suggestion. When you have to fill out health questionnaires at the doctor every year you have to mention (fucking confess!) how many drinks you have a week. It starts at 0-1 but ends with 5+. As though once you have 5 (in a week!) you may as well go the whole cow. And if I have 5 in one night?! That’s like saying I have 35 drinks a week. Holy fuck, that’s a problem. But if I have just four on a Friday night, that’s casual, that’s like, “Hey, look at me, I’m a fucking adult. I have self control.” But seriously five in a week? What am I fourteen? No, I’m a fucking adult. I drink like one.
At the end of the show super hot but horribly yellow teethed lead singer of Kings of Leon reminds everyone to drive safe. Ha! Such a US of American! The concert is in London, a city that knows it’s way around some public transportation. C’mon US let’s be a real country and transport our people like it’s the normal fucking thing to do. Can we not handle the logistics? Can we not stop sucking fossil fuel’s tar ball dick?! Fucking do it already! We should all be able to traverse the country like it’s our right, not a fucking trust fund privilege to be poor and sweaty for a summer. Gah! But in the mean time, drive safe y’all.
Maybe sometime I’ll tell you about the time I drove completely wasted. Ooops, I just did. I am a failure.
The Millionizer’s is always mad and usually drunk
5.9
Um hold on, an EARTHQUAKE just interrupted my posting. This post would have been up 45 minutes earlier (not that it makes a difference because this is the first post in WEEKS! months?) if the most terrifying earthquake I’ve ever experienced hadn’t taken place just as I was signing in.
The last earthquake was on Easter. (Ah! aftershock!) Teebs, Mama Millz and I were just leaving the zoo, and that was a pretty big one, 7.2. This one was only 5.9 but it was epicentered closer and it was longer. And it was a mindfucker. There was the initial super crazy jolt and the requisite shaking to a slow fade (at which point TBU turned to me and said, earthquake?*) THEN it started all over again. Teebs and I casually went outside (he in his underwear, flaunting his adorable skinny legs) and the solid ground we were standing on continued to rumble for a good 15 seconds more. Earthquakes normally don’t bother me, I’ve been in a few in various situations (class, movies, the zoo) but this one was the biggest, strongest and longest (that’s what she said. HA! beat you to it!)
*Um YEAH it’s an earthquake! What the fuck else do you think it is? Our whole house is moving and creaking and THE GROUND IS MOVING! You were born and raised in California, I love you babe, but get a clue. This reaction was very similar to the one he had when we were at the zoo for the last earthquake. We were in the car getting ready to leave and just as he was about to turn the ignition he asked, why are you shaking the car?
I’m not shaking the car!
He turned to my mom, Are you shaking?
No.
Babe it’s an earthquake.
Not funny, stop shaking!
I’m not shaking, it’s an earthquake! I point to the sea of bouncing cars in the parking lot.
And even then he had a hard time grasping the concept. That was a pretty long earthquake too, we stepped out of the car after that whole conversation and it was still going. Anyway, Teebs needs better earthquake sense. Also it was really funny how the tourists lost their shit at the zoo. Downright amusing.
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On Lady Gaga’s latest video: It’s like a film student mashup of everything having to do with the transition from the 80’s to the 90’s, including Madonna videos, with a sprinkle of Rhythm Nation (what with the bike shorts and general late early 90’s get ups) with just a hint of Christina Aguilera during her Dirrty phase. It’s like trying to make a gourmet meal out of everything you like and upon realizing it’s awful, you add something you know is terrible but you’re hoping it will somehow magically transform the shit stew you just made, respectively. Let me tell you, it does not work. That’s just the video, don’t even get me started on the fact that she’s just blurting out random Latin boy names, after the first chorus, TBU and I took over, Consuelo, Rigaberto, Domingo! It’s so painfully reminiscent of Madonna during her La Isla Bonita phase, there’s nothing performance art-y about it, not to me at least. I know that one could easily defend Gaga by saying that her whole schtick is about subverting fame and it’s constructs (and Madonna, Janet and Christina are perfect subjects), but in the end she’s a pop artist plain and simple and this was just pop rehash. I was already non-plussed by Telephone (the song itself and YES, the video too), this is just blech. Low point Gaga, sorry to say.
I’m so sure you needed my opinion on that. I consume entirely too much media.
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The copious amount of media I consume is kinda my thing though. So continuing in that vein, The Tudors, on Showtime (and Netflix watch instantly!). I am loving this show. It stars Jonathan Rhys Meyers. I have conflicting feelings about him, I’m not a big celebrity follower so I may be confusing him with someone else, but isn’t he the one who flew into some sort of drunken rage at his mom and his sister and on an entirely separate occasion called someone a nigger when he wasn’t allowed on a flight? I mean, I SAY that I’m not a big celebrity follower but I certainly know a lot about somebody. I can’t find a picture of him where he doesn’t look ridiculous so I won’t provide one, but I assure you, he is a treat. I hope not too much of an asshole in real life because that would have an impact on my enjoyment of him.
Mmmm, yes, here he is. Not too ridiculous right?
Totally not ridiculous picture of JRM
Anyway, I loved him in Velvet Goldmine (see awesome photo above). Never thought about him again until I was browsing Watch Instantly and saw The Tudors. And I was like, Oh yeah, that guy! he was great in that one movie that made me want to do a ton of mushrooms and bathe myself in vomit and glitter! Right The Tudors, The Tudors. I could honestly do with less gratuitous sex scenes, yes I get the whole court was fucking everybody and it was all hush hush and dramatic, I get it, let’s be less cloying about it. Anyway, the costumes are unbelievable, really, really beautiful. Jonathan Rhys Myers does a surprisingly fantastic job as King Henry VIII. Surprising because I often find it hard to take ridiculously beautiful people seriously in serious roles. And I am captivated by Maria Doyle Kennedy, who plays King Henry VIII’s first wife, Catherine of Aragon. She has become my favorite part of the whole show. I know how the history goes and it makes everything so much more tragic and sweeping. Knowing how the story unfolds does not detract from the show, mainly because it is so loosely based on history if they weren’t freaking named right after the historical figures it might be hard to know it was about them.
Ha! Have you read this far? I don’t know what to tell you. The Millionizer is on media tonight.
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The Millionizer has also FINALLY been accepted to nursing school! I got an A- in organic chemistry so that sealed the deal. I’m in. Now all I have to do is figure out a way to pay for it. I start July 12, I haven’t told my work and I am nervous as hell. I am also excited! Me! A career! Responsibilities that don’t involve sorting mail! Oh my goodness, could our little Millionizer be growing up? It might be happening folks, considering that she’s now 27. That’s 9 times 3! That’s late 20’s! That’s awesome!
Ok, ok, ok, ok now go watch Velvet Goldmine and report back, then watch the Tudors and lust after all the grandeur. Oh and this guy isn’t so bad either:
Henry Cavill, Gavin Rossdale lookalike and First Duke of Suffolk in The Tudors.
Well then, let’s go dilly some pickles and be nice to each other. Don’t pick at your skin!
The Millionizer has plans to do a post divulging all of her skin care suggestions. I was gonna call them secrets but that sounds like a lady mag trying to make you spend an entire hours worth of pay with the headline “Totally awesome butt secks secrets men want YOU to know!” I hate that shit. The headline would be in some gaudy neon color too. Tre gauche.