Are you governed by the Procrastinator?
I’ve been a hardcore addict since at least 2nd grade and the problem has only progressed, along with the far-fetched excuses. It was always everyones fault but mine. If that teacher had reminded me just one more time about the due date, I would’ve made time in my busy, busy schedule to get it done. If the DMV had made the importance of registering my car more clear to me I could’ve made time in my busy, busy schedule to take care of it. My busy, busy schedule was usually jam packed with executing creative, subtle and, most importantly, believable exaggerations of the truth as to why I was not able to accomplish in time, what others were able to do despite having children, less money and more family issues. I graduated from UC Santa Cruz with a 3.4 GPA. Not the most impressive number at first glance, but let’s take a closer look. Through fastidious research, campus polling and photo albums I was able to acquire the following data on how my time was spent from Sept. 2001 through June 2005**. Let’s begin:
- 73% of time drunk or stoned*
- 18% of time in class or involved in some academic activity
- 14% of time laughing my ass off
- 6% of time hungover
- 5% of time at the beach
*Due to the nature of college many of these activities overlapped, thus producing a total of 116%. The only activity which was strictly exclusive of all others is time hung over. So, all in all, only 6% of my time was spent doing absolutely nothing but whining and drinking orange juice and coffee.
**3% +/- margin of error.
College posed a challenge, even for the best procrastinator in denial. In those four years I got maybe 25% of my projects and assignments in on time. No lie. You see, when you are as skilled and experienced with these debilitating complexes as I am, you can find any excuse to latch onto at the last minute. But the truly skilled can actually believe the words that are coming out of their mouths and that, folks, is the most crucial skill needed to succeed as a procrastinator in denial.