In which I ramble, I’m warning you now
Friday Friday Friday. That’s something I will capitalize, I’m sure some of you have thought how awful my punctuation and grammar are. I say you are wrong, I choose not to capitalize god. See how I did that? god. Really though, if it began a sentence I would have a moral obligation to capitalize it, it’s just how I roll. I also really hate putting “quotes” around things. It ruins the flow of the eye while you’re reading (while I’m reading, at least). So when I quote someone I just put a comma and tell you what they said. I might throw in some italicization. Like the other day a friend thought I didn’t hear her say, she probably takes a shower before sex. I yelled, and after! See how easy that was? I’m thinking of you, dear reader, really. And if you need the quotes to figure out what’s going on then well sheesh, I don’t know what to tell you. You are probably one of those people who can only watch movies where everything is explained in absolute detail. You are the reason the characters on 24 have to say something like, I am opening up the program so Jack can see what I am doing on his GPS in his car so he will better be able to apprehend the terrorists. No one can deliver that line with any believability. You ruin otherwise decent entertainment. I encourage you to use your imagination, just pretend those quotes are there.
I am inconsistent with my own rules of grammar and punctuation. Sometimes I’ll quote and capitalize. If I ever feel quotes are necessary I use single quotes. Double quotes are such attention whores.
Right, so it’s Friday. I may be unemployed but I still get excited for weekends because everyone else hangs out. If this weekend is as good as last weekend then I can’t wait for games to begin. It’s already shaping up quite nicely. So far it it includes an avocado centric dinner with this guy. We’ll probably head over to Seabright Brewery because they have awesome fuck george bush fries (those are french fries folks). If you are there come say hi, we’ll be the ones with plates of avocado being loud.
Last Saturday, a friend had a pre-Halloween Halloween party. I almost didn’t go, but then TBU helped me see the error of my ways. I was going to be an egg roll but I just wasn’t feeling very egg roll like. I wound up going as the girl who screams, your mom, when you ask her what she is. It was a success. Some highlights of the evening include (but are not limited to):
- Figuring out that PhD stands for Poopy head Doctor
- A rousing interpretive dance to David Bowie/Queens Under Pressure and Daft Punks Around the World
- Later in the evening a girl was walking dangerously close to an in ground fire pit and after she had already fallen in I screamed, watch out there’s a fire pit! Kinda awkward
- I was warned by a very drunk reindeer to not break her pipe. I said, whoa, that tone is telling me to put my bottle down for this. She was so unamused, which made me feel stupid for saying anything. But then she fell on some steps in front of everyone and I smiled inside. Just a little though, because I have so been there.
- TBU smacked a spider the size of my palm with a Ronald Reagan mask. It was both horrifying and fascinating. You may say, the size of your palm? Engage hyperbole much The Millionizer? But I tell you the spider was huge and my hands are small.
- TBU was super funny and he said something that made me laugh for a solid 2 minutes I don’t know what it was but it did end with him saying, I know! I just googled it. Never argue with the internet.
Here’s a list of things that rhyme with The Millionizer in case you want to write a rap about me.
Wiser
Institutionalizer
Miser
Ostracizer
Exerciser
Exorciser
Visor
Advisor
Criminalizer
Heffenweiser
Hyperbolizer
I don’t guarantee that all of those are actual words or that they are even spelled right. But you know how crazy rap is.
**The ‘I would take avocado from a baby’ Millionizer