Forget the 3 day weekend let’s talk about my bathroom

Hey, how fun is this? How was your weekend? Mine was uneventful, fun but uneventful. I’m at work right now. Well, I’m typing this up on Word right now then I will send it to myself and post it some time later. I’m not going to The Millionizer from work! That would give up my anonymity. I’m sure they would very quickly be able to figure out who was going to themillionizer.com from here and talking about how annoying everyone is. My job isn’t perfect but it is paying me so I can’t really argue. My job also fits my requirements, which are being able to wear as much black eyeliner and purple eyeshadow as I want. And I’m sitting here with black eyeliner and purple eyeshadow so…no complaints really. I forgot my lip gloss this morning so I’m feeling particularly vulnerable, more than my usual paranoid state. Even just writing this WHICH I AM TOTALLY ALLOWED TO DO, I feel like I am on a covert mission. Every time someone walks by I feel like I have to duck – or something equally unnecessary. I was yelling more at myself up there, not you dear reader, oh no never at you. I just have to remind myself to chill out every once in a while.

Uh oh. I just looked up and my student is nowhere to be found. His backpack and the book he was just reading are still here. And instead of doing anything about anything I am telling you about it. Hold on, I’m gonna go look for him.

Found him! More accurately, he found himself. I turned around and he was just sitting there. I’m pretty sure I didn’t hallucinate that he was gone but I’m just not going to let it bother me and be glad that he isn’t lost. Onwards we go, shall we?

Remember how I told you earlier that my bathroom was drowning the living room? No? Well it was. The landlord came last week and fixed it. He got there at noon and said it would take 5 or 6 maybe (ha! you and your maybes!) 7 hours. I was comfortable with that and spent most of my day at the coffee shop, remember that? Well, (can you hear my sighing?) TBU and I got home 6 hours after they started completely sure that they would just be wrapping up. Yet, are you ready for the yet!? Yet, we still had no toilet and the shower wall was naked. A naked shower wall is uglier than anything you would see at a 55+ nudist colony. When your heart (and bladder) are ready for your new beautiful, leak free bathroom a naked wall makes you want to tear your eyes out and cry. TBU asked the serial killer handyman if he had a timeframe and he said half hour maybe an hour, look at us, still believing sentences with maybe. So I didn’t freak out.

At 8:30 (are you keeping track? Because this is a full 8.5 hours after they started) we decided to head out to The Catalyst for pool, even though our friends wouldn’t be there until 9. We figured we could use the facilities and hang out. But alas, even The Catalyst sucked. There were no tables and the crowd was particularly lame. Lame like they weren’t even carding, which was interesting because I got carded. But honestly there was a group that had no business being in there even if they were technically “of age.” I have no idea why I quoted “of age” but in my head it sounded like it had quotes. You might be wondering who died and put me in charge of the coolnes level at The Catalyst. No one, but if you are air guitaring NIN in a big showy fashion on the way back from the jukebox then you need to leave. You and your friends. Now.

We wound up not getting a pool table at all and our pitcher of Sierra Nevada was all weird. By that time it was past 10, so we figured that certainly now would be a good time to go home. Certainly, right?

We pull into our building and the handyman and his trailer of trash are still there, very bad sign. Our landlord walks out like a doctor with bad news. I started screaming, no! I can’t do this. I am about to jump out of the car. TBU keeps telling me to calm down. I keep screaming no! I can’t do this. They SAID they would be done. They have to get us a hotel room. I am screaming and totally going ape shit. TBU tells me to calm down so he can talk to our landlord. But he can already tell that I am seriously freaking the fuck out.

Have I mentioned that this was exactly a week ago today? Exactly one day before I started my brand new job. I had visions of going to my new job without being able to take a shower. I didn’t really NEED a shower but who wants to start a job and not feel fresh and clean? I had been in a smoky bar for the last 2 hours and I didn’t want to be that white trash lady who always smells like rotten cigarettes, not on the first day at least.

TBU rolled down the window and my face was hot from all the freaking out. Our landlord started off by saying sorry. Oh. My. God. Do not start with the apologies, sir, do not. He said, sorry we had to do this and that and blah blah blah. I wanted to cry. Then he said, sorry it took us so long, we’re just packing everything up now. Yes! Life was not so crappy after all. But then he said that he wanted us to wait to take a shower till the morning. I wasn’t happy about having to get up a half hour earlier but at least the toilet worked.

The only problem is (well there are two others but I don’t feel like talking about them) that all the chemicals they used are stinking up the house and I get high when I am near the bathroom. I don’t have a huge issue with it really but I would rather control my drug use and not get completely stoned off industrial grade chemicals right before work, or during my shower or every time I use the bathroom. It’s a give and take and I’ll take a fully functional bathroom even if I am not fully functional.