Are we over suri cruise yet? Get a life – it’s a baby, tom cruise and katie holmes. The baby has never done anything for me. Tom cruise can’t act and have you seen his profile? It’s not nighttime, it’s just tom cruise’s nose covering the sun. And katie holmes? This is joey from dawson’s creek who talks out of the side of her mouth and has laughably (that’s a word I checked) droopy eyes! These people aren’t newsworthy, they’re just famous for some reason. If I see one more picture of that hairy baby I’m going to lose all faith in humanity.

Moving on (as we all should). Hey you know what’s funny? That I am sitting here eating a fruit plate and drinking a beer. Apparently I don’t want to absorb any nutrients today.

I am just about to sit down and watch Nip/Tuck. Season premiere last night! Very exciting. The show is pure shit. The story lines are totally implausible. I don’t mind suspending belief every once in a while, but Nip/Tuck has a proprietary blend of stylized bullshit that is hard to ignore. Kudos to them for keeping the same intro, ok I admit it I’m watching it now, I hate it when shows “liven up” their perfectly fine intros. Enough about Nip/Tuck and it’s need to push the uncomfortable sexual exploits envelope.

Have you noticed how lame Craigslist’s Best Of was this month? Yeah, letter to my bedbugs was pretty funny but eveything else was awful. I get super excited every month for Best Of and this month it was a total let down. It’s like the sex was over before it started.

I just started a new birth control pill and it’s doing weird stuff to me. DISCLAIMER: I am about to talk about my period. Chill the fuck out, I won’t be gross but the word ‘period’ will be used. Grow up. So I am at the part in the pack where you take the placebo pills or if you’re me you don’t take them at all because, well because they’re placebo pills and why bother? And I have been having the worst PMS. Not all out obvious PMS with cramps and back aches no, my PMS has been subtle mental warfare and some unwelcome acne. Everything in my life is causing me grief. I’m confused I’m lethargic.  The other night TBU and I were spraying eachother with the spray bottles we use to discipline redirect the cats. Then he got me in the face and I turned into an angry purple midget, I charged at him screaming, don’t spray me in the face! with my arms flailing in front of me. Nevermind that he had already gotten me in the face like 5 times before. He was caught so off guard that he shielded his head with one hand and held the spray bottle out with the other hand. He saw me go from normal to ballistic in .5 seconds and just surrendered. I grabbed the spray bottle and shot him in the eye point blank. All the while screaming, don’t shoot me in the face! Why’d you shoot me in the face? Then I went to the bathroom and cried. I also started crying a couple nights ago when TBU asked me for the $4 I owed him. I just lost it and couldn’t even talk to him. Ugh, it’s been awful. Never in my life have I actually wished for my period, but I have been for the past week. Be careful what you wish for because I got it this morning and it is the devil. My period is the soul of the devil leaving me. Holy hell.

Also, I am leaving for Mexico in less than a week and I am starting to get agitated. I am going to be gone for almost 3 weeks and I feel like I have to get my life in order before I can leave the country. My life is no where near in order. I can’t even talk about this right now my throat is closing up.

The can’t get a hold of herself Millionizer

[tags]Nip/Tuck, Suri Cruise, Tom Crusie, Katie Holmes, Craigslist[/tags]