Today is Halloween. Yes, you already knew that. The kids had a little party and I ate too many potato chips. While I was talking to them I started to wonder if it is a problem that I don’t have any candy to hand out. I’m not at that part of my life where I think about providing for kids. Handing out candy is a grown-up’s job. Getting drunk and bitching in an anonymous online forum does not an adult make. Well that’s not all I do but I have a feeling that’s how I come off.
Where was I? Oh right, candy. I don’t have any. There is a 24 pack of Newcastle in the fridge, though.
123 – Transition!
Next week, my student’s class is going to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. I have many great memories of that place but I really don’t want to work there. Luckily, her dad is driving so I am going to try and finagle my way out of it. I am also trying to figure out if anyone would notice if I still put those hours on my timesheet. I’m fairly certain I can get away with it. The only thing that would screw me is if Crazy Lesbian Lady for some unforeseen reason mentioned something in passing to the company I work for. Doubtful, but it is a slight possibility. I’m still gonna go for it though.
Run! It’s the media!
Yesterday I watched part of a forensic show where everything is laid out in gruesome detail. It was basically a recap of a murder and kind of a bitch of a narrator who for some reason feels he is better than everyone. Hello, sir? You are not actually the voice of god, ok? Ok, just making sure. At one point there is a picture of a man face down in a pool of his own blood, tied up and just so obviously dead. The 911 call is played over this and the operator asks, Sir, how do you know he is dead? The dead man’s brother stops screaming and says, Well he’s lifeless. He answered like she asked how he knew it was his brother. He may as well have said duh. Very funny.
Today in science the teacher put on a video about marine ecosystems and then said, I’m going to stop it when they start singing. Who the hell is singing in this video? And why? Very unnecessary. On the same video the narrator was a talking globe. When it was time to go to Antarctica he rolled on his back and pointed to it. It took everything I had not to blurt out, That’s his asshole!
The Millionizer might talk about her cat tomorrow because she can
[tags] Halloween, I hate my job, Monterey Bay Aquarium, beer [/tags]
I feel like Halloween is already over. I did all my celebrating Saturday night. Then I see people walking around in capes and corsets and I’m reminded that I still have 2 more days of all this superflousness. (Oh admit it, you like my run-on sentences.)We’re invited to a couple’s thingy tomorrow involving scary movies and various forms of rice krispy treats. No thanks. We’re also invited to a party one of TBU’s friends is having. This girl. I am definitely! not in to that lest I get hugged to death. What an ironic way to die on Halloween eh? Death by vicious hugging this Halloween (that’s that headline).
It’s cold today. I don’t like it. All last week it was 80 degrees by 10:30am. So this morning I grabbed my sweatshirt on the way out and it’s just not enough. One thing that works as discipline with my student is taking a lap around the track. And today she is being a little asshole but I really don’t want to go outside. I guess I’ll just punch her.
Sometimes, I really wish I had a desk type job so I could type these things up throughout the day. I write it out and it just looks like I am some goth kid writing (badly) about my dark dark feelings or something equally lame. But then again the last 2 jobs I had were desk jobs and I am less of a human because of them. I can’t help but think that if I had themillionizer.com back then it wouldn’t have been so bad. I would be getting paid a lot more if I still had either of those cushy (yeah right) desk jobs. As many amusing anecdotes as they would’ve provided for us here I’m 100% sure I’m better off now. Well 98%.
I am having a quarter life crisis. I have no clue what I want to do with myself. Everyone says, Do what you love. If there is a bigger pile of bullshit on life management advice I haven’t heard it. That may work for oh let’s say Paris Hilton who already has billions at her disposal. She’ll be perfectly fine if she wants to get drunk every night and tape herself having sex. I, on the other hand, don’t have that luxury. I haven’t figured out how I want to/can earn a living (a real living, one that allows you to, you know, LIVE). I want to earn my MBA, but then what? I want to sleep til 10 every day and be showered by rose petals while I shower. That won’t pay my bills. I spend most of the time freaking out about money and how much of it I don’t have. I have a fucking college degree but I can’t get health insurance. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’ll never figure anything out. It can’t always be like this but I don’t know how to change it. I’m stuck. Did you ever feel this way? How did you figure it out?
The Millionizer is ready for a midnight nap
And other awesome song lyrics. Yesterday, while stopped at a light, a car with two guys and their sound system pulled up next to me. It was a hot day and everyone’s windows were down. I just wanted to go home, apparently they thought I might want to go home with them. I had to force myself not to turn and laugh an uncontrollable laugh while they sang along to such gems as, I put my dick on you and Ooh ooh oh baby yeah, you’re so fucking fine. First of all, for your own sake, roll your windows up if you’re going to listen to shit like that, you look like fucking morons. Second, revving your engine multiple times at a 30 second light is ridiculous. Third, and most importantly, I don’t think you can even comprehend the obvious homoeroticism of the whole scene. You guys may as well watch some porn together. Get over yourselves.
We decided to go to a friend’s Halloween party, so I spent most of yesterday flitting about town trying to piece a costume together. I was going to be a cupid, I couldn’t find a bow and arrow but I figured I would just flip people off if they mentioned it. I fashioned the sheet just so. When it was time to add the wings I cut two little slits and was quite pleased with myself. Then the wings started going limp and just couldn’t keep their shit together. So at the last minute I abandoned the whole thing, looked up some Greek goddesses and decided I would be Artemis, goddess of wisdom. Fuck Aphrodite. The only problem was the slits in the back of the toga, but oh well.
I had fake eyelashes on. I love fake eyelashes but no matter what I can only use them once. I always ruin them with glue or they get a kink or I pass out in them and otherwise ruin them. All of those happened last night. I only found one this morning. At least I still have the glue. But I think it’s poisonous and flammable. I probably shouldn’t put it anywhere near my eyes.
The party turned out to be fun and within walking distance if we got sloppy. At one point TBU said, Miami Vice just slipped by. I love it when reality is so absurd it is captured by a sentence like that. Because Miami Vice did slip by. There was also Tyrone the crackhead from Dave Chapelle’s Show, Oh, call me! Ali G made an appearance. Nacho Libre warned us about the dangers of having underage drinkers at the party. The creepiest thing actually had nothing to do with anyone’s costume. Tyrone the crackhead started asking us if we wanted to see some good art and then this girl, who was about 4 feet and dressed as Courtney Love (?) or maybe Tyrone’s crackhead girlfriend, kinda slithered over to us. She never said a word and never made eye contact with us through her huge sunglasses. She just handed each of us her “business” card while Tyrone talked about how mindblowing the art was. The best part was that her website for her “art” was her MySpace page. I’m sorry Courtney but I can’t take you seriously. Good luck.