Alright alright alright alright

Last night I was so proud of myself for going to bed before 11. What? I can be not tired during the day? Unfortunately, I am tired today.

I was having a great dream where Ted Danson (during the Cheers days) was my 2nd grade teacher. He was yelling at me for using the wrong pen. And just as I was about to deliver a seven year old smackdown to that asshole my cat woke me up by making an awful reverse hiccupping sound. I threw him off the bed before he could ruin the sheets (My sheets will only be ruined one way. ONE WAY, you hear me cat?!) I got up to clean whatever was waiting for me in the living room. Before I even turned the light on I knew something much worse was in the dark. I turned on the light and almost Hulked out I was so fucking pissed to see a blobby pile of cat diarrhea by the front door. What the fuck cats?! There are very few hours in the day they don’t have access to the outside. Only recently have they started dumping inside so I KNOW they can hold it.

So, at some point in the middle of the night I woke up to clean vomit and poo.

Just as I was asleep TBU yelled, You’re breaking into my house! I couldn’t go back to sleep. I laid (lay?) there wondering what the set up for that was. Maybe he was involved in an organized crime ring and they were burglarizing houses. Once they took the HD tv set he realized all the stuff was his and yelled, You’re breaking into my house! But by then it was too late. His XBOX, tv and sound system were already in the van, plus his bike. Bummer, dude.
Finally, I fell asleep.