I want to fuck you

And other awesome song lyrics. Yesterday, while stopped at a light, a car with two guys and their sound system pulled up next to me. It was a hot day and everyone’s windows were down. I just wanted to go home, apparently they thought I might want to go home with them. I had to force myself not to turn and laugh an uncontrollable laugh while they sang along to such gems as, I put my dick on you and Ooh ooh oh baby yeah, you’re so fucking fine. First of all, for your own sake, roll your windows up if you’re going to listen to shit like that, you look like fucking morons. Second, revving your engine multiple times at a 30 second light is ridiculous. Third, and most importantly, I don’t think you can even comprehend the obvious homoeroticism of the whole scene. You guys may as well watch some porn together. Get over yourselves.

We decided to go to a friend’s Halloween party, so I spent most of yesterday flitting about town trying to piece a costume together. I was going to be a cupid, I couldn’t find a bow and arrow but I figured I would just flip people off if they mentioned it. I fashioned the sheet just so. When it was time to add the wings I cut two little slits and was quite pleased with myself. Then the wings started going limp and just couldn’t keep their shit together. So at the last minute I abandoned the whole thing, looked up some Greek goddesses and decided I would be Artemis, goddess of wisdom. Fuck Aphrodite. The only problem was the slits in the back of the toga, but oh well.

I had fake eyelashes on. I love fake eyelashes but no matter what I can only use them once. I always ruin them with glue or they get a kink or I pass out in them and otherwise ruin them. All of those happened last night. I only found one this morning. At least I still have the glue. But I think it’s poisonous and flammable. I probably shouldn’t put it anywhere near my eyes.

The party turned out to be fun and within walking distance if we got sloppy. At one point TBU said, Miami Vice just slipped by. I love it when reality is so absurd it is captured by a sentence like that. Because Miami Vice did slip by. There was also Tyrone the crackhead from Dave Chapelle’s Show, Oh, call me! Ali G made an appearance. Nacho Libre warned us about the dangers of having underage drinkers at the party. The creepiest thing actually had nothing to do with anyone’s costume. Tyrone the crackhead started asking us if we wanted to see some good art and then this girl, who was about 4 feet and dressed as Courtney Love (?) or maybe Tyrone’s crackhead girlfriend, kinda slithered over to us. She never said a word and never made eye contact with us through her huge sunglasses. She just handed each of us her “business” card while Tyrone talked about how mindblowing the art was. The best part was that her website for her “art” was her MySpace page. I’m sorry Courtney but I can’t take you seriously. Good luck.