The last post was the 100th post here in this little corner of the internets. Parties and Parades will commence once I plan them. There will be much booze and BBQ so get ready! I don’t know why 100 is such a big deal. Perhaps because it is the perfect representation of our numbering system. Ten tens! But really so what? Why not have a party for 99 or better yet 101! Because that’s where we are today. If you need an excuse to drink on a lazy Sunday afternoon I give you the go ahead to get plastered. I hope you don’t need an excuse though, just drink already.

So I was at an all day required* training yesterday. It was so wonderful to sit in a shitty office building all day out of monetary obligation and NOT GET PAID FOR IT. Maybe I am just a perfect specimen of my lazy ass generation, but I really think it’s just plain asshattedness not to get paid for a whole day of required work.

*In the written correspondence and multiple messages left as reminders for the meeting it was described as required. After a slide in the PowerPoint** presentation the leader asked if anyone had any questions (about the information contained in the slide). The girl sitting next to me raised her hand and matter of factly asked why we were required to be here unpaid and what the legality of it was (which was not the topic of said slide). I was all OH HELL YES. The leader responded by saying it was NOT required and no one had to be there. So why were we all told we had to be there and reminded of it 4 times in the past week? Well it’s only required if we want to keep our current positions and pay, otherwise they would gladly demote us and cheerfully take $1.50 of our hourly wages. So, no it’s not required.

**PowerPoint, a program for dumbasses and realtors. I have a degree in Film and Digital Media. In my job hunting I have always emphasized the digital media part. People like to know that someone on staff knows something about something. It has served me well. At the job I had before this one (which I quit after barely 2 months) I was an office manager for a real estate agency. It was just me and 4 cranky realtors. I was the youngest by at least 30 years. The women there were bulldog old lady types who I’m sure have had to put up with a lot of shit for being women in the commercial real estate arena. So they treated me like shit too. I was hired mainly because of my degree and experience and I did well. After my first week one of them came up to me and asked why I hadn’t been washing the dishes in the break room. Ummmm, because they are yours and you are perfectly capable of doing it seeing as how you are a realtor and do nothing all day. So I started pretending to wash the dishes. I turned on the hot water and let it run while I went to the bathroom or chatted with friends. Then I just put the dishes on the drying rack, no wiping, no nothing. These fucks would have tuna salad and just leave their crusty bowl in the sink. I am not above washing dishes and if I was in a pinch you better believe I would gladly take a dishwashing job but no where in the interview, job description or anything else did it say that I would be cleaning up after old whities with entitlement issues. One time I heard the main awful old lady talking about me to another realtor. She called me an idiot and wondered why I couldn’t get anything right. That’s funny, because I fucking kick ass at this job. Maybe if you remembered what you asked for in the first place there wouldn’t be such a desparity between the (awesome!) result and your expectations. In fact, this lady herself had just told me what a great job I was doing. That was the first big fuck you guys I noted, and I should have quit then. The next big fuck you was when crabby old lady #2 left a note for me saying that the fax machine is out of paper and could I please make sure to check ALL machines before I leave on Fridays. She left that for me on Friday, knowing I would not be back until Monday to take care of it. Do you think when I got there on Monday she had put the paper in the fax herself? The paper that sits right NEXT to the fax? No. She had taken the time to write a note but couldn’t be bothered to actually do the ‘work’ herself. Plus, she spelled my name wrong. Back to the point, one day the two main bulldog ladies were talking about a proposal they needed, and main bulldog lady had the GREAT idea that it would be really easy and it would look SO GREAT if we made a PowerPoint presentation out of it and just printed the slides. They had all these ideas getting them excited and they started talking louder and louder and they were JUST SO EXCITED about how great their presentation would look. How could client X refuse such a proposal? He couldn’t! Main bulldog lady exclaimed, We could have The Millionizer do it in PowerPoint, that’s what her degree is in. She has a degree in it! I heard this and had to stop myself from running in there and laughing uncontrollably while I pointed and breathlessly told them how fucking stupid they are. Hey, crochety commercial real estate ladies who would crush their first born for a sale? The only time I ever touched PowerPoint before this place was when I needed to offset my upper division class load with one retard class. So I took Personal Computers, the class where we talked about how to open email and write Word documents. Our final project was a 5 slide PowerPoint presentation on a topic of our choosing. You may wonder what a class of this type was doing on a well respected University of California campus. Well, we all need to offset our real classes with dumbass classes sometimes. So to correct you, no I don’t have a degree in PowerPoint, it is a program for dumbasses and people in smarmy sales positions such as yourselves. The rest of the business world laughs at you. That is the day I quit through an email. I sent them a quick note and never came back. I was really pleased about jeopardizing their multmillion dollar deal. After every time I held myself back from saying it, quitting when they needed me the most seemed the most effective way of telling them to fuck off. That and telling them that I had never once washed a single dish.

And that is my PowerPoint anectdote.

I was especially pissed off after yesterday’s meeting (you forgot all about that didn’t you!) because on the way home I developed a major migraine, which I knew was triggered by watching videos and PowerPoint slides all day. Great, I get to have my day AND night ruined by that optionally mandatory clusterfuck. And indeed it was. That is why I was so excited to wake up today, so as not to be crushed by the bull doing interpretive dance in my head. But lo! Lo! The bull is gone making way for a lovely cold virus that will take me straight to Thanksgiving dinner. Gracias, toro!

The Millionizer tries, but cannot seem to keep a job

[tags]Thankgiving, What the Fuck, PowerPoint, Word, Microsoft[/tags]