If I were you, I’d avoid my calls

I’m in San Diego right now. I’m still recovering from being the drunk asshole Tuesday night. If you were Downtown Tuesday I probably owe you an apology. Sorry to the person who had to clean up my vomit from the Horton Plaza parking garage, grape level. Sorry to anyone who may have stepped in my trail of destruction. Sorry to the people I saw from high school. I hope you can spread word of my legendary drunkeness so that anyone who graduated in 2001 can know that I can’t control myself. Sorry to X for being the one who held my hair back and told me it was ok. Sorry to Sir Chinko for throwing up in your daddy’s BMW. Seriously, I am so lucky to have you guys for friends. Who else would make sure I had all my money, my ID, my phone? Who else would let a person covered in their own bile sleep on their floor? Who else would give people shit for saying I was too drunk to give us service? Who else would still talk to me the next morning like I was an actual human being? No one, that’s who. You two are a king and queen amongst fucktards like me.

Tuesday was the worst night I’ve had in a long time. The worst night I can even remember to be honest. The best and the worst. I had a ton of fun till it was a total clusterfuck and I ruined a beautiful evening. It was the kind of night where I thought I was going to die. The kind of night that made me rethink my life. It was that intense. The kind of night that made me realize (for the 14th time) that once I’ve had 3 I should stop. Ugh, I am so over myself right now. I wish I could avoid myself for a week or two until I’m not embarassed by my reflection.

How was your Christmas, Kwanzaa and/or Chanuka? Cool, mine too.

TBU is on a cruise in the Carribean celebrating his grandparents 50th wedding anniversary (and his ability to party whilst on a ship I’m sure). I haven’t talked to him in almost a week, I miss him. I am having a great time in San Diego though, really, really great. New Years is still up in the air, where will The Millionizer millionize? She doesn’t know yet.

Five comments waiting to be moderated and they were all about Viagra and buying prescription painkillers.

I’m at a friends house right now mooching some high speed internet. Have you ever tried posting from your parent’s dial up? Don’t even waste your time. I should go and not be rude. Toodles.

The Millionizer only got so drunk because everyone she went to high school with is so much more successful at life

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December 28, 2006|A day in the life, Alcohol Induced, High Functioning Retards|6 Comments

I pooped in my hand

I didn’t really poop in my hand. Or did I?

I came home looking forward to making a tasty breakfast burrito. I tried to wash a plastic stirry thingy to scramble the eggs and realized the water was shut off and I had no idea when it was coming back. Hello, property management? A little notice please? I’m still waiting. Me want breakfast burrito.

Ah! Water’s back…

…Forty minutes later

Last night I became obsessed with Minesweeper. You know. One of the crappy games your pc comes with. Oh the fun. I mastered easy but I am a yet unable to master medium. Uuuum, I just dropped the laptop. Shhh, don’t tell TBU. Minesweeper always seemed too hard when I was younger. But now that I am able to understand the complex rules (that was a joke, I am not actually insinuating Minesweeper is complex. I was just a dumb kid) and not randomly click the grid I am having a lot of fun with the strategy. Now I want to play me some Pipe Dreams too.

Instead of getting to it, in the making Christmas gifts department, I am writing this post. Not that I don’t want to write the post. Even if you don’t believe me, I avoid filler at all costs. Why am I defending myself like this? Even if you don’t believe me…I’m not in third grade. Ok, I am going to just drop this whole topic. Next!

I got the worst sleep in the history of sleeping last night. I blame the salty dinner, although it didn’t help that the cat found a way to be under my shoulder all night. I was all out of sorts and obsessing about minutiae. For example, I wrestled over deleting the paragraph I wrote about Ms. BS and her vagina. In hindsight, I really don’t want her anywhere near themillionizer.com, what was I thinking? But it seems lacking in integrity (the integrity I expect from myself, I know you don’t expect anything from me) to just go and delete things that are unfavorable (and frankly, embarassing). I feel like I decided to post it, now I have to deal with it. So here I am lying in the bed I made and I do not like it one bit. Buuut, on the other hand I feel like, it’s a fucking blog! Just delete it if it’s that big of a deal. I have journals from when I was 8 and I’ve always been a dork about changing and rearranging my writing – as in I refused to for a long time. The way I have always seen it is, if someone were to come here in a year, they won’t have the same experience as someone who read it when it was posted, and there I go into a shame spiral of integrity. But they won’t know what they were missing anyway, sane Millionizer says. I know! But I will know! crazy Millionizer says. This reminds me of something Mimi Smartypants wrote about. She was teaching a creative writing class (or something) and a student said she didn’t believe in editing her work because it would betray her feelings at the time. So Mimi said, I shit but I also flush. The thing is, is that I don’t have a problem with editing as I write, but once it’s out there I feel like it’s permanent and it deserves to stay as though the writing were a sentient being*. Of course, I will edit in order to make ideas clearer or sentences easier to read (or if TBU says I have shared too much), but I have a hard time just going and deleting something for deleting’s sake. Does this make sense to anyone? So, after deciding to delete the offending passage last night, I came here to do it and just couldn’t. And that is why you are reading this now. Because I had to justify my craziness to myself. Damn salty dinner.

*Speaking of sentient beings, this article on dangerous toys was the funniest thing I have read on dangerous toys in a while. Quote to make it worth your while, “Is it sentient? Can it be reasoned with?”

TBU and I are researching MP3 players. I am considering one mostly for the drive to San Diego but a little bit for the cool factor. Don’t tell anyone but I might return it after it has served it’s purpose. What do I need with a $300 pocket clogger? I need the $300. Did I not mention I am driving to San Diego this Friday? Just me and the cat for 8-10 hours depending on traffic. Most of the drive will be in the armpit of California, which means if I manage to get anything on the radio it will appeal only to those who voted for W and wish he could serve a third term. California is not all Hollywood and glamour. In fact, most of it is dust and cow shit. Stay close to the coast, that’s my motto. So far we haven’t had any luck, all the stores carrying the one we want (and being within a reasonable driving range) only offer it online. Being the fiends we are, we are unwilling to wait for delivery. Right now Staple’s is our last hope. Update: Staple’s is a no go. Harrumph. I think I’m just going to settle and get whatever Costco has going.

The Millionizer needs to just shut up

[tags]Costco, yet again, Mp3, ennui[/tags]

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December 18, 2006|A day in the life|3 Comments

I lied to you

I said I would share a picture or tell you something several times then mostly never did. So here are all the pictures and anectdotes I meant to share but never shared until now. You probably don’t even know when I ever mentioned any of this but it’s all the same. In no particular order.

The gingerbread house my mom and I made. I promised myself I would get it up before Christmas, which was the genesis of this whole post. The icicles were the hardest part, my mom did them. Also, please notice the Christmas tree I made . I felt really ingenious about that. They didn’t even tell me how to do that on the directions. Those sun bottles are things I got from Mexico (I promised but never told you about Mexico either. Tomorrow, I promise.) I bargained for them in a market in Morelia on the 2nd day of the trip. I also got a mirror with cats (looks a LOT better than it sounds. Maybe a picture of that soon too, if you’re lucky), and a Virgin Mary thingamajig (I’m a sucker for religious imagery). As a bonus, you can see the graffiti I did when I was like 8 (I stole this table from my mom).

This is a trashcan in downtown Santa Cruz. This was the first week TBU and I started our tradition of loafing on a bench every Sunday. Seeing a trashcan full of whippets downtown on an early Sunday morning was just too high-larious. Somebody had an awesome Saturday night. I saw it and immediately went back to the car for the camera because who doesn’t want to see this? I imagine watching me take pictures of the trashcan was amusing to some and others just assumed I was doing a lame ass college interpretation of our wasteful society. I guess in a way I am, but I am more amused than preachy.

The tattoo I said I’d show you. This is right after it stopped being crusty and bloody and starting taking some pride in itself. Look how bright and vibrant the colors are. It’s worth it to get another tattoo just too see the ink look so clear and fresh again. Originally, this picture was much larger and showed both my feet, my toes and more of my ankles. But I didn’t want you to see how scraggly my toenails were or the stubble on my legs. So now you’ll just have to imagine it. It’s not as bad as you assume, ok? But still, as I always say, If you’re gonna put it on display, it may as well look good. That’s mostly a reference to cleavage but it works here too.


I call this picture When friends attack. The friend in question claims it was the recycling who attacked and in a way she’s right, so no hard feelings. This happened in Santa Barbara and my friend is a sexy librarian, that’s not really relevant to the picture but it’s cool to know. We had a whole photo session because how often do you have blood running down your face? Badass. We decided it was cooler to walk around with the blood rather than wash it off, so that’s what I did. After a while we shopped for some bandaging. Talk about badass, as soon as I saw the Strawberry Shortcake bandaids I was sold. I was grateful to have an excuse to wear Strawberry Shortcake bandaids on my face, right below my eye no less. Thanks X! I was disappointed when it finally healed and there was no longer a legitimate reason for my new facial accessory, but that didn’t stop me from milking it for a few more days.

[tags]Images, picture, Mexico, travel, Christmas, facial wound, sexy librarian[/tags]

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December 13, 2006|Hmmmm|2 Comments
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