The Masterplan

Happy New Year, everyone.

I just installed cable internet at my mom’s house last night. Now I might come visit her on a regular basis.

Remember how I was like, oh where will I millionize? for New Year’s Eve? The answer is no where. I was in bed by 10 pm Sunday night. I had plans to meet TBU in LA but he got in from his cruise too late. I was going to hang out with X and her super hot (and gay) brother but I was so tired from gorging myself on chips all day. I never have chips in my non-vacation life. Let me rephrase that, the only chips I ever have are unsalted tortilla chips, a girl’s gotta have her guacamole and salsa somehow. But while watching the football game on Sunday I had all kinds of salted, artificially flavored and partially hydrogenated chips. I woke up at one in the morning New Year’s day so nauseous I had to throw up. Want to guess what color I threw up? That’s right, neon orange.

From what I’ve written here, you might think I’ve thrown up every day while in San Diego. Not true. Yesterday, A and I made brunch at her house. If she reads this she will scoff and say she made brunch. Technically she would be right. I stood in the kitchen and drank mimosa’s while she poured waffle mix into the waffle maker and made fried eggs for the first time. I ate fried eggs for the first time. Delicious. I put my second fried egg right on top of my waffle and wooboy! Oh yeah, and A got this thingy that foams milk so you can have a super foamy latte right in your own kitchen! I can’t stop using exclamation marks! I don’t even drink milk but I made an exception so I could partake in the awesomeness that is self-made foam. A and I also played a Friends trivia game, she kicked my ass. She strengthened my resolve to watch more reruns. But when I did I couldn’t even enjoy it because I was paying attention to numbers on apartment doors and the name of the receptionist in Rachel’s ex-husband’s dentist office.

Before I left Santa Cruz I started my UberrrList** intending to finish it at my mom’s house. In classic Millionizer style I left it in Santa Cruz. I feel a little naked and vulnerable without it, perhaps it’s the fact I am doomed to failure because I don’t have the list in my hand and there is nothing I can do to save myself. I failed 2006 in the last mile. However, I feel like I’ve kicked 2007′s ass so far by getting rid of A LOT of old stuff. As a condition of her continued love my mom said I had to clean out my old vanity, dresser and anything else containing anything of mine in the house. At times this has been depressing, have you read your poetry from 7th grade? Oh, god. At other times it’s been really fun. Not only did I write bad poetry all through high school, I also went to dances and took lots of pictures. Those pictures are a gold mine of good times. I took some particularly embarrassing ones of me and A to her house and the whole household had a good laugh. The stuff I had the hardest time figuring out what to do with was the stuff from elementary school and before. I don’t really want the hair clips I wore when I was 5, but how cute are they?

**I know Uberrrlist doesn’t actually have 3 r’s but when I titled the page in my journal I accidentally put 2 r’s, then I put one more for good measure. Then I was totally into because it reminded me of the mid-nineties when we were all riotgrrrls.  Or maybe that was just me.

I’m going to do some sit-ups then take a shower. A quit her job today and we must celebrate.

The Millionizer, sealing deals since 1983