Also including, The deep sleep of a father whose daughters aren’t out being impregnated. And don’t forget, I happen to like being adored, thank you. Oh man, I love 10 Things I Hate About You, it was my most favorite movie of all high school epic-ness. Luckily, it’s on TV right now and it’s still pretty enjoyable. Cmon let’s go, we’re all congregating around Mr. Cuervo. I love how everyone is trashed after 5 minutes at the required party scene. Oh and I also used to love Heath Ledger. His quotable quote is, Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you don’t deserve what you really want. Swoon. Now he’s just a nasty smoker who’s married to duckface from Dawson’s Creek. Dawson’s Creek! god what a loser. The accent though… Anyway.

Student went home sick today. I don’t know why her parents bothered sending her. She was drippy yet stuffy. It was a mess. I called her dad. He was annoyed. And I was like, Sorry dude, I’m not going to get sick because you want a break from your retarded, pain in the ass daughter. That’s not an exact quote. So I asked Crazy Lesbian Lady to come out with me to give credibility to my (and the nurse’s!) opinion that Student needed to go home. When I told him she had an elevated fever he said, Well how elevated? Elevated enough, ok?

I didn’t quite make it to the shower yesterday, so I started my day by putting baby powder in my hair. Thanks for the tip, A! I’m home now though and this outcome is better than I anticipated.

Have you ever noticed how Hummers look almost exactly like a short bus? Especially when you can only see the red lights all over. What is this short bus doing out so late? Was there a field trip? Oh, it’s a Hummer. Same difference.

You wanna know what’s fucked up? When I watch episodes of Intervention with girls who have terrible eating disorders I can’t help but notice they look like everyone else on TV. These are women who are barely functioning on 400 calories, or less, a day, they are literally near death and sometimes they look bigger than the “regular” people all over pop culture. That shit ain’t Christian.

Dexter with a boner. hahahahaha leading to weezing gasps of laughter.

The Millionizer is losing it

Recently I watched The Secret. Essentially, it says that 1) we are all energy and 2) we get what we put out. So if you are constantly thinking negatively, you are only going to get negative back. It’s called the Law of Attraction and you can read more about it here. You may have seen it talked about on Oprah, but I swear to you, I saw it before the trendsetter for middle of the road America mentioned anything. Anyway, I got really excited at the idea of being able to control my life positively. I decided to do some of the things they talk about it the movie, one of them being to visualize what I want in my life. I wanted to make a visualization board but I couldn’t find one of those fancy real estate magazines to cut out my fantasy house, so I visualized having one. Friday night, TBU and I had nothing to do and we didn’t want to spend any money, I visualized us going out and having a good time for free. I have also been visualizing having more money, because dar. This is where it gets interesting, on Friday night, TBU and I took a walk and as we came back to our place what was sitting on our mailbox? A fancy shmancy real estate magazine. Ok, that was pretty cool but they are kinda everywhere and they’re free so that wasn’t so hard for the universe to provide. We were still bored with nothing to do. Then right as I got out of the shower at 8:30pm our friends called with extra tickets to a concert AND they bought us dinner. Ummmm, wow. Dinner and concert for free? Well played universe. While at the concert our friend ask me to start a business with her. Even though the money hasn’t actually manifested yet, I am really excited. All of this led me to start saying, “If you can visualize it, you can millionize it.”

There has been one tid bit of pop culture trivia that has been freakishly useful in my life. It hasn’t made me any money or gotten me a dream job but, among other things, it makes doing crossword puzzles easier and makes me look smart in Jeopardy. It’s the fact that I know Edith Head is a famous costume designer from the golden age of Hollywood cinema. Why has that come up so many times? I have no idea, all I know is that it’s useful information. Last week in the New York Times crossword puzzle the clue was, ‘Head of costume design.’ That’s a tricky one, because if you don’t know The Edith Head Factoid you might try to think of another name for someone who is in charge of costume design. That would lead you down a fruitless path. Now, you go and prosper from this.

To tell you this, I have to let you in on the ridiculousness that is The Millionizer and TBU. We have two TV’s in the living room. Well, they both go between computer screen and TV. It’s a complicated mess of wires and cables but long story short, sometimes we like to live large and waste eletricity by doing two different things with two different screens but still hang out. Oh look, here’s a picture. As you can see, TBU is playing Gears of War on the large screen while I am watching World Series of Poker on the smaller screen. Since poker is such a sport it is televised on ESPN and the commercials on ESPN are specifically geared towards, well typical ESPN viewers. Such commercials include the new Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Editon commercial. Let’s rewind a few hours. TBU is playing Gears of War on the big screen and I am flipping through the channels.* At least I am trying to. The remote is right by TBU so I ask him to hand it to me. He says he can’t stop, he might die. Fine. Now that that’s established. So the Sports Illustrated commercial comes on my TV while TBU is playing on the big screen. You might think it would be impossible for him to stop because he might virtually die. But no, when the SI commercial is on, he figures it out. I bring this inequity up and he says that he had already died and was waiting to get respawned or whatever, so he didn’t choose the SI commercial over me. No, not ever. I say, whatever dude. And he says, “What, you’re no beyonce. Is that what you want me to say?” Meh? Ummm, yeah I’m pretty satisfied with not being a talentless drag queen but thanks for your heartwarming words. Ouch though.

*Just to clear things up, we were not watching TV and playing video games for hours at a time. We had a lovely afternoon of downtown shenanigans and sunset watching.

[tags]The Secret, Edith Head, Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue[/tags]

A couple hours after I wrote the last post I got all dolled up, put a few drinks in me and headed for our friend Pete’s house. The night was young, the music was loud and the world was our oyster. We were at the last stop light before Pete’s house, singing along to our favorite Knife song (Pass This On). I noticed the car next to us watching me get into it, but the rum forced me not to care. The red light was forever so the car just went through it. Just, goodbye. The next car slowly inched into it’s new first place position. The hood came into view and the car slinked along in a pretentious kind of fashion, and I knew I hated the driver. I didn’t know them, but they were already on my shitlist. Ever so slowly the car revealed it’s curves and smugly took it’s place next to us. I made an effort not to look over because 1) I hated them and 2) I didn’t want them to interrupt my performance. I couldn’t help it, I stole a glance and I froze. Performance. Over. It was Crazy Lesbian Lady. Luckily, the windows are tinted with Ghetto Dark so I don’t think she saw me. If she did, she probably didn’t recognize me. I most literally roll out of bed every morning and sleep walk through the day. I’ve told you how I sleep in my clothes so I don’t have to change in the morning. Paint that pretty picture. But the night, oh the night is my time to shine. Whatever happened, she totally killed my buzz. Here I was having a great time and she pulls up out of nowhere. Bitch.

Last night a few friends threw a party for some friend’s girlfriend. Got that? Anywho, we were told about the party, invited to the party, even reminded about the party. I woke up this morning and said, “We didn’t go to the party!” Instead, we watched the two episodes of 24 we needed to catch up on, made bean dip and went to sleep. Very exciting. That’s ok, there’s another one in a couple of weeks and that one is for someone we actually know.

I read three books in Costa Rica. That makes three this year. The first one, Stolen Lives, I borrowed from the book shelves in the staff lounge at work. It had the Oprah’s Bookclub seal of approval, so naturally I was skeptical. But I was desperate and it seemed better than the Santa Cruz County Employee benefits handbook. I debated as to whether or not to keep the book so I could use it for my scrapbook of Costa Rica. In the end I decided to tear the cover off and return the carcass to the staff lounge. The second one, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, was a re-read but I already finished Stolen Lives and still had 5 days left of the trip. This one I borrowed from the hotel lobby. The third, Travels with Charley: In Search of America, I borrowed from TBU and it rounded out the trip nicely. That is all, just me being proud of myself for reading. I have a feeling Chris Rock would say something like, “You can’t be prouda that, you’re SPOSED to read!” Too late Chris, feeling of pride = incurable.

The Millionizer is too sexy for her TV