The Millionizer

A few days ago, I looked at my driver’s license and realized it is due to expire pretty soon. Like any responsible citizen I tried to renew it online. Then I realized the DMV has my street address but now I have a PO box. I couldn’t renew it without doing an address change. And I can’t do an address change without going into the DMV. I figured I would take care of the two matters in one fell swoop if I had to go in anyway. My appointment was at 2:50 but I showed up at 2:15 ’cause I’m cool like that. I got called up to the window very quickly and it was all going along swimmingly. I paid my $27 and felt good about getting my shit done. Then the guy said, ok just step over there and we’ll get your thumbprint and photograph. Whaaa? I was not prepared. I begged the guy to cancel the whole transaction so I could come back another day prepared. He looked at me blankly and told me that was impossible. There was no way to refund my debit card and could I please just step to the left. I explained to him that I was not trying to be difficult but I really did not want to take a new picture. He told me I couldn’t renew my license without a new picture because I came into the DMV. So let me get this staight. If you had had my correct address I would have gotten a license renewal in the mail and then I would not have had to take a new picture even though anybody could’ve filled it out and pretended to be me. But if I drag my ass to the DMV and have to prove I am me, then THEN I have to take a picture. He gave me some serious evils and said the only way I could get a new picture was if I renewed my license again and paid another $27. Fine, that’s just fucking fine. Let’s take this one so I can come next week, prepared and $27 poorer.

I called TBU upset and he scoffed, It’s only a driver’s license. The only people who look at it are cops and bouncers. I whined into the phone. Good point, he said. I told him to ask a woman in his office and she said she would absolutely pay the extra $27. See, I was right. He still didn’t get it.

Anyway, I am in a poopy mood because my old picture was adorable. I was prepared for that one. In the picture I took today I came straight from work. I slept in my clothes and my hair is trying to embarass me. I’m a sad panda.

In leiu of a raise or a bonus, TBU’s boss gave us both season passes to the Santa Cruz Film Festival, which kicked off last night. David Arquette’s directorial debut, The Tripper (filmed in Santa Cruz), opened up the festival. Actually, a 16 minute short on Chet Helms, legendary Bay Area concert promoter, opened up but no one is talking about that. I was like Hey, maybe David Arquette will be there and we could have something to talk about for the next 3 weeks.

I waited in the line that threatened to wrap around the whole block while TBU picked up our passes. The guy behind me was a local who had been on set. It really wasn’t all that impressive since they held an open casting call and needed a lot of extras for concert and hippie drug out scenes. He went on and on to no one in particular about how cool it was to be in the movie, how he was going to say hi to David, Oh and that’s Mark the cameraman. He was just a burnout who needed some attention but christalmighty was it annoying. TBU comes back with the passes and I start thinking. I know how much these passes cost and it ain’t cheap. They can’t possibly expect people who paid this much to wait in line with the normies, can they? There has to be a passholders line. TBU doubts it. I tell him to go check. He reappears, waving me out of line. YES! It felt really good going in the VIP entrance in front of the douchehoser bragging about tripping on acid at the audition. I see that’s worked out nicely for you.

I knew David Arquette would be there, but Pee-Wee!!!! was there too! Excellent surprise Santa Cruz Film Festival, I didn’t know you had it in you. David joked about how the film officially opens on April 20, but this being Santa Cruz he knew we couldn’t wait. TBU said, what’s the difference? It’s 4/20 all the time. Well put.

The film itself is a blatantly political campy slasher. A Ronald Reagan obsessed killer hunts hippies at a weekend love fest/rock concert. The message was pretty clear. It’s an anti-war film that juxtaposes laughable gore against war footage. There are the essential slasher grossout scenes, like when Pee-Wee gets covered in shit from hiding in a porta potty. I mostly liked it and would recommend it if you’re into that kind of thing. It’s as though Evil Dead got better and more politicized, or had a $3.7 million budget.

When the Q&A began the first question was, Where’s Courteney? Nice one, now we all look like assholes. Of course someone had to ask how they liked filming in Santa Cruz county, which made it seem like we all starve for Hollywood validation. It was pretty funny when David mentioned he actually wanted to shoot in Humbolt but Santa Cruz was expecting less rain. Then there was yet another of the many attention whores in attendance who asked why David had to pander to violence. I think everyone in the theatre was like, Did you watch the same movie? Because really, it’s called satire and it was pretty obvious. David was really gracious and answered the question seriously but not without a few F bombs, which are my favorite kind of bombs. He yelled, Don’t you see? The leaders of our country are the true psychopaths (referring to the graphic war footage). Which, of course, got everyone cheering.

TBU: Paul and David, what are you working on next?
David: Nothing, I’m going to get some sleep.
Paul: The Tripper 2
[audience laughs]

Those are exact quotes because I was writing notes like the little journalist I am.

Someone asked if David thought the country was ready for another revolution. I wish, he sighed, but no. He mentioned that the ‘hippies’ today aren’t the hippies that mobilized a cultural revolution 40 years ago. They just aren’t. There is a reason the festival screened The Tripper and Chet Helms: The Big Brother of the Summer of Love together. The latter documents the organic evolution of a powerful subculture while the former plays off the ideals they created.

Major bonus points to David Arquette for rocking the Vanilla Ice hairstyle circa 1992 and a white tux embellished with red sequins. I walked into work this morning and my friend Heidi was like Pee-Wee Herman and David Arquette bought pizza from me last night! These guys have Santa Cruz buzzing.

In a slightly related note: TBU had his film in the festival a couple years ago. Saying that is infinitely cooler now that Pee-Wee Herman has had his involvement.

[tags]Pee-Wee Herman, David Arquette, The Tripper, Paul Reubens, Chet Helms, Santa Cruz Film Festival, Santa Cruz[/tags]