It’s been a big week

1) I’ve been kinda sick the past few days. My symptoms are vague and sporadic. It seems more like an ejection of deep seeded sadness from a past incarnation than a real illness. There was phase 1 (Tuesday) when I had a migraine and threw up all day. Phase 2, or Wednesday, the migraine disappeared and the extreme discomfort moved south. I thought I was better until Phase 3 (today) started early this morning which entailed more diarrhea and some dry heaving. If you ever want to derisively extract every amount of dignity from a person force them to dry heave with their pants down. Then take pictures. No one took pictures of me, but I imagine that would be a clincher. I’m gonna go back to work tomorrow though because it gets lonely and sedentary as hell staying home sick. I just have to make sure I have solid and controllable poopies.

2) Guess who is about to have health insurance? That’s right, your favorite little millionizer has found herself a job that offers benefits, and not just insurance; PAID TIME OFF. I’ve gone so long without both, it seems very posh at the moment. The job is basically the same thing I do now, except with adults and out in the community. I probably won’t be able to use the line, I’m bigger and stronger than you, to get what I want anymore though. Whatevs, I can’t wait to give notice. My first day is May 21. Cross your fingers and wish me luck.

Best timing ever! My current job just (like I’m putting the phone down right now) called me and gave me shit for being sick for the past 3 days and said they have to give me a written warning because I didn’t call in sick this morning.* I was grinning while I tried to sound like I cared. That’s fine darling you do whatever you want with your written warning. I’m giving my notice tomorrow.

*Um, I thought I made it pretty clear when I called in the day before and just moaned into the phone. Why not do it how we’ve done it every time before? I’ll call you when I’m going to be back. How about we talk when I am able to control what leaves my body and when? Unless you really want the daily rundown of gross.

3) And in news that can be filed under Things We Already Knew, TBU’s friend calld last week. You know, the one who got married on Easter? And asked if we gave them that awesome table. TBU said, yeah, The Millionizer bought the table, painted it black, put the red glitter star in the middle and varnished it. It took her four days. To which his friend said, Really? Wow, that was the best present we got! The Millionizer brings it, dude. When TBU told me about the phonecall I asked where my thank you note was and he said, You’re getting it right now. Goddamn I hate these people. Especially because they are the kind to actually employ phrases like, my better half, without any irony or sarcasm.

4) TBU got a new camera, the Nikon D40 and it’s gorguusss. It really takes beautiful images, especially because he also got the fancy pants flash. We were in Tahoe over the weekend and he took a panorama of Emerald Bay. He had it printed and mounted, when his co-workers saw it they told him to be the next featured artist in the office. Yay for TBU! It’s been really fun having the camera, it’s like I can finally get the picture I want. Nikon figured out how to make cameras psychic. Expect ridiculous amounts of pictures someday.