You know what you guys? I’m back. Despite wanting to update, I just haven’t been able to bring myself to do it with any regularity (or joy) for the past few weeks. Obvious conclusions could be drug induced haze, manic depression or drug induced manic depression. But I don’t think it was any of that. I think I was taking myself waaay to seriously. Like the only thing I have control over is this crappily hosted site and anything I post has to be a perfect manifestation of the pickled brilliance that is me. So I just decided not to participate. It’s like having sex for the first time. You* don’t want to bust out all the moves you’ve banked for the past 18 years, lest your lover think you were a baby prostitute, so you just lay there and moan. When really? Your lover wants your inner baby prostitute to burst free. I started to type an explanation but I think you’ll be able to make the connection.

*One thing I constantly do that annoys the shit out of me is type you when I really just mean me. The only reason this bothers me has to be my Marx/Engels education. God forbid I inadvertantly assume the a voice of another. The UC Santa Cruz film department has forever robbed me of having normal conversation. You know, the kind where you don’t question yourself or assume that something you said is horribly presumptous and/or offensive to someone somewhere. Regardless of the fact that the offended is no where near you or your conversation and is in fact, as far as you know, only a figment of your imagination.

Right, so where were we? Why am I, as I put it, “back.” The reason is twofold really. One, this dot coms one year anniversary rapidly approaches us. And if I recall correctly (I’m not actually going to research it) one of my first posts was about 4th of July fireworks in my neighborhood and the fucking war zone it becomes. The WORLD FAMOUS SANTA CRUZ BEACH BOARDWALK** had its 100 year anniversary this past weekend and had a huge fireworks show. The boardwalk is a 3 minute walk from our place. Well not the boardwalk itself, but an excellent cliff from which to watch the fireworks is a 3 minute walk from our place. The whole crazy community came out. Hundreds (maybe thousands, I’m not a populationist) of people crowded onto 2 bluffs overlooking the ocean. I don’t know about you, but there is something about fireworks. They do it for me, I seriously have to choke back tears. I smile unintentionally, I clap without thinking. I am a baby in amazement. I also love the absolute ridiculousness of this neighborhood. Druggies, yuppy families, students, rich assholes, poor fucks all live here and hang out together. People blatantly partake in recreational drug use. That’s an everyday thing, but Santa Cruz gets crazy in the summer. No one cares. There’s something so freeing about seeing people not give a fuck. The media likes to fearmonger and although I like to think people can rise above it, I know most people are deeply affected by the Bush point of view. They want to keep us scared. They want us to be sheep so we can be controlled. And when people refuse to be, I get inspired. Whether it be commentary, art or just a middle finger with a pipe. So there was a lot of that going on this weekend and also this one guy lit 150 illegal fireworks under his car and drove down the street in the middle of the crowd. Complete disregard for common sense also inspires me. I mean, he coulda died, but he didn’t. He just wound up being mentioned by The Millionizer, I’m sure that was his goal. Look at him, achieving his goals and shit.

**The caps are not to emphasize my love for the boardwalk because I have none. TBU was once arrested there for FALSE battery charges against the security guards. Sure we were drunk, but we were not a menace, we were trying to LEAVE, they accosted US. Anyway, the DA knew what was up because he dropped the charges. What was I saying? Oh right, the caps are to emulate the cheesy radio comercials broadcasted to the greater bay area. God those commercials are terrible.

The second reason is Twitter. Brittanie invited me and it couldn’t have happened at a better time. The inherent brevity of Twitter is just what I needed to remind me that blogging about yourself isn’t a serious matter. It’s random, spastic and hopefully a couple people enjoy sharing it with you. Thanks B. Also, it’s cool because Token joined and now I have two friends instead of one. That’s 100% more than I had yesterday. Not a bad deal. You too can be my Twitter mate and read randomness such as: my dismal water consumption and what I had for dinner. You know you want to bitch.

My point is that I was reminded why I started this hot mess in the first place, fireworks. And unemployment.

The Millionizer exhaled and flushed the toilet

[tags]Twitter, Santa Cruz, Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk[/tags]

Time: some days ago, late afternoon still in my pajamas
Place: the living room

Me: Wait, have I eaten anything today? I’m feeling hungry, but I think I might just be high.

TBU: You haven’t eaten anything today, but you are high.

I’m not impressed with myself of late. No reason in particular, just a vague distaste. It’s weird, because things are good. Have I told you the news? I’ve decided to go back to school. For real this time. San Jose Sate. Nursing. [Im in ur hospeetol room, takin ur tempercher.]

I’ve had things to say, and even went so far as to write shit down. But nothing seemed good enough, genuine enough. My head’s in a weird place. It could be all the binge drinking and illicit drugs. There’s no way to tell. Speaking of stupid shit you do when you’re bored. I was sucked in by MySpace the other night and happened upon someone I was in girl scouts with (oh the stories to tell!). I asked her to be my MySpace friend and she said no. Ouch, especially because as I remember, she was a superdork and the laws of childhood still apply in MySpace. She should want to be my friend.

Happy Fathers Day. Although, I doubt any readers are fathers. With the crazy ass emails and google searches, god I hope not. Well maybe this is just a reminder to call your dad and say hello. Or call your mom and bitch her out for being such a ho. Whatevs. That reminds me. Head over to PostSecret for a Fathers Day edition. Not as lame as it sounds. I swear.

The Millionizer had a surprisingly good conversation with her dad this morning.

[tags]MySpace, Fathers Day, PostSecret, benders, college, goddammit[/tags]