So I can sleep tonight

Things I have to do before my mom comes next week

• Throw the empty bottles in the shower away. The conditioner has been gone for a week and the trashcan is right there. Also those minis from the Hyatt are just stupid.
• Clean the mold in the shower. Basically, the whole bathroom needs an overhaul.
• Get a new shower curtain. This one can’t be resurrected.
• Lose 15 pounds
• Clean the cobwebs from the ceiling. There is nothing more annoying than hearing my mom say something like, You’ve got to clean those cobwebs. I got you that cobweb tool. Yes mom but the cobweb thingy doesn’t take itself out of the closet and do the work for me. Speaking of spiders and all things evil, TBU and I were watching Akira last night and a fucking spider crawled on my arm. I flicked it off and ran around the house screaming, Turn on all the lights! Turn on all the lights! while turning on all the lights. I hunted that fucker down with the Mag Lite my dad got me “for winter.”* TBU took care of shit but not before telling me to shut up.
• Wash all the blankets and bedding she’s going to use.
• Get my shit together
• Be more beautiful

*When my dad gave me the Mag Lite it also came with an am/fm radio, battery run lantern, and a propane stove. It was seriously for “the winter” like in case I had to live off the land until the storm cleared. This is the same man who grows all his own food and shoots the moles with a bb gun. Oh Dad.

Is The Millionizer the only one who thinks Yoji from Miami Ink is adorable?