It is TOO risky

The Millionizer lives!

I have been all sorts of busy. My vagina needs a nap. The Millionizer, now with more vagina! I only call my vagina vagina because when people call it weird things like burger (I’ve heard it!), pussy, down there, or whatever it seriously creeps me out. Don’t get me started on the lameness that is va-jay-jay. I also hate the word “panties.” Dear fucking god that word pisses me off. I don’t know why, maybe because it somehow infantilizes women’s underwear. Or because it’s the equivalent of making a screwdriver pink. It’s fucking underwear, undies or chones if you’re Mexican. Boys have tried to refer to my panties and lost out on whole nights of unbridled amazing. I don’t really know why I’m telling you about any of this.

I’m glad to be back. There’s no better way to procrastinate than by writing a post. But alas, let’s skip to the point. I have my iPhone with me when I’m out on the streets and I am so glad because some hilarious shit is out there. I have documented what I have seen in the past couple weeks for you, my fair reader.

First, is the collection of church marquees. They’re going to have to try something else because all these make me want to do is laugh and mock them on the internet, not accept jesus christ as my lord and savior.

Next, we have the homemade neighborhood signs designed for various purposes.

This strange wording is just breathtaking

Welcome?

And now the local graffiti.

That says, Upfucks Crazed, which has become my go to exclamation.

That last one just kills me. Like when you’re all sweaty and feeling unsexy and you have to refuse your girlfriends sexual advances to maintain your dignity. It’s so adorable, it just kills me that I can’t have it. Here are the things I think are adorable about it

• Hot pink
• Vague shrug
• Claws only on one hand? paw?
• Hearts for eyes and tail thingy
• The teefs
• Bunny ears
• The implied sass

The day after I took this picture it was painted over. It was on an abandoned house down the street. If the house is so abandoned why is anyone taking care of it? I dunno but I was glad I got the photo. I call this the Seabright Monster and it is my life’s wallpaper. If you are the artist of this masterpiece please contact me. We should be friends. Drinks will be involved, maybe more.

That is all.

The Millionizer doesn’t mind if she starts over, but she hopes she comes back