Monkey Busker

I am recovering from what I call a ULP weekend. Or an Ultra Low Productivity weekend. I didn’t even get properly dressed or leave the house until Sunday night. Even then I wasn’t wearing any underwear and it was only to get ice cream. The rest of the weekend I wore a long robe and a push up bra. I thought it classy.

I also found the energy to accomplish: eating at the same taqueria two nights in a row, watching An Evening with Kevin Smith, watching like 14 episodes of How I met your Mother, drinking a bottle of Tuscan Moon, and letting the neighbors hear us have sex.

I don’t know how I got to like How I met your Mother, by all standards I should hate it. It’s on CBS, (the network that not only greenlighted everybody loves raymond but somehow kept it ubiquitous in US culture for like half of my life), it seems quite formulaic on the surface and it’s got that annoying girl from buffy the vampire slayer (the one who manages to be more annoying that marble mouthed buffy herself, you know, the lesbian).

But it’s also got ‘mo Doogie Howser portraying a womanizer and Jason Segel from Freaks and Geeks (and various other Judd Apatow joints). Jason Segel makes this show. Dude, the boy who sang Lady L. can make anything. He can make my day, if you catch my drift. Just kidding! He’s large and imposing and I’m 3 inches away from legally requiring a booster seat to drive. That would be awkward. And I feel like my face would be covered in his chest and/or stomach sweat. Ew, I fucking hate sweat. Especially other peoples sweat, that’s why I don’t go to concerts anymore.

I’m not actually 3 inches away from legally requiring a booster seat to drive, I’m closer to 4 inches away. At least in the state of California. Mattman has a girlfriend who is way shorter than I am, and I don’t know if she’s even allowed to have a license. She’s the only full grown adult I’ve met who is significantly shorter than I am.

Um, so I got a betta fish and put him in a vase with Peace Lillies on top, it’s like those cool things you see at the fair or Anthropologie or Urban Outfitters. But I made it myself. Because I’m DIY or die like that. I named him Monkey Busker. You have to say it in a cheesy British accent like moonkeh buskah. I always think Monkey’s dead so I gently move his bowl and then he freaks out and then I feel bad for disturbing him. It’s a vicious cycle. The pet store also sold female bettas and for like half a second I considered buying one and breading betta fish. Beautiful, colorful, flowing bettas. Then I was like, whoa, and walked away.

The Millionizer is your marrow and your ride…home

aww look at that freakishly large man being so adorable

[tags]Judd Apatow, Jason Segel, How I met your Mother, Kevin Smith, betta fish, farm[/tags]