Boo

Teebs is sick and busy sleeping. So I can’t yell at him for leaving root beer gummies at the bottom of the coffee mug for two weeks. I’ve grown tired of yelping. What’s a girl to do? Blog. And eat an entire piece of lavash bread and almost a whole container of garlic hummus. Trader Joe’s, you’ve foiled me again.

X is for sure coming down next weekend. What will we do? Probably a lot of nothing and a little bit of everything.

How about those fuckers who cut you off at the last second and then go slow enough to turn back time. What’s up with them? I mean, if you’re crazy enough to almost die coming out of a parking lot, surely you have it in you to speed it up by 10 or 15 mph. Are they the same ones who merge onto the freeway at 35mph? That’s just dangerous for everyone involved. And it’s always a minivan or a 1978 cadillac.

A while back, my aunt told me that she uses an epilator instead of shaving. I was fascinated by the whole thing. It’s the effect of waxing with the convenience of shaving, sorta. I was like, Hey, now that’s an idea. It’s also kind of an engineering feat. It’s a hundred mechanical tweezers plucking your body hair out in a delicate dance. So I bought one. And holy christ you guys. It manages to include two of my favorite things, hair removal and pain. I tried it on my armpit and immediately teared up. This thing is hardcore. I called my aunt and she said she doesn’t even notice the pain anymore. ?!?! Apparently, after a couple times it stops hurting so bad. It might take more than a couple episodes. In fact, I don’t know if I’m hardcore enough. My aunt though, she is hardcore.

The Millionizer is off to think positive thoughts and drink some water from a glass