Take you back

The used condom invited us over for dinner tonight. He prolly heard The Millz was UNhappy. We, of course, accepted because I am a lady. Which means I will go through the motions while harboring a grudge roughly the size and shape of a cancerous growth. I think we’re supposed to be there right now. I told him that I will be bringing my own food. I really really did. Except I’m not that much of a bitch. Well I am, but I didn’t do it to be mean. I’m vegan for Lent, and this world is full of flesh eaters.* I am by no means religious but I enjoy the meaningless ritualism. Plus, X is regrowing her virginity for Lent, I figured I could go cruelty free.*

*I’m mocking vegan literature, not hijacking the plane to guiltsville.

Yesterday, I was at the Goodwill during work and I found a Spirograph set, for $2.25! I hid it under the stuffed animals and got my wallet from the car. Dude a Spirograph set for $2.25! I always wanted one but we never had enough money.

• Spirograph set in 1989: like $400.
• Spirograph set in 2008, missing two pieces at the Goodwill: $2.25.
• Finally getting to make pretty swirlies with mathematical precision: Priceless.

Here are a couple other things I purchased while “working” today

Only ten dollars!

A dollar each! Adorable pencil cases for the serious student

Flip flops for five bucks, with skulls!

And here is some crazy stuff I saw while working today

Somebody had to actually sew such well formed boobs on that stuffed hippo! The
stuffed bikini wasn’t enough to suggest cleavage? We have to sew in pink fuzzy boobs?

This guy was biking his Christmas tree. Somewhere.

I noticed my upper lip had like three slightly darker hairs on the left side. No mustache, just slight pigmentation. Ever the perfectionist, I epilated that shit. Who knew the skin on your face was so sensitive? Now I have a Kool-Aid mustache on one side. It was less noticeable before I started fucking with it. Lesson learned.

The Millionizer has desperate desires and unadmirable plans