More skimpily

Sometimes I look at a bag of chips and calculate how many calories it would be if I ate the whole thing. And then I work it into my calories for the day. That’s what the last two weeks have been like. I’ve been feeling feelings and am more interested in not feeling them, sea salt pita chips and eggplant hummus are made for this.

When I signed up for two classes and agreed to TA another class while still working 32-40 hours a week, I knew it’d be hard but I also thought it’d be doable. Turns out, it’s completely doable, it’s the 4 episodes of Lost I watch a night that are fucking up my Christmas. I have crazy internal dialogues. The lazy fat kid wants to watch TV until it passes out with food tucked under its double chin. The responsibility bearing adult unsuccessfully attempts to coerce the child to bed. The lazy, fat kid wins almost every night. And every morning the adult is fucking pissed at that kid and resolves to get its fat ass to bed at a goddammed reasonable time. It’s week two of classes, soon something will give and it’s got to be the kid.

Sir Chinko’s quotable quote from last Saturday, “We should all wear that shirt and be a gang. People love gangs!” Obviously he never watched any local news ever in his life. Wine was spilled there was so much laughing.

Sir Chinko also gave me a copy of both of his sisters books. And a pair of earrings that she made. Sir Chinkos seester was a model, owns a rad business, has co-authored two books and has a hot, rich husband. Ummm, hello! Role model? She and her man were together like fucking forever before they got married. And he looks like what I assume TBU will look like in 10 years. I’m just trying to draw parallels to appear more awesome than I am.

I was trying to help one of my friends get a job where I work. And she didn’t get it, which kind of baffles me because she is super awesome and would do an amazing job. She texted me about not getting it and I am reluctant to call her back. What do I say? Sorry you didn’t get the most chill job in the universe? Good luck with the four under-paying jobs you’re still going to have? It sucks you still don’t have health insurance? Ah! I have to call her soon, otherwise I’ll go into asshole land. The land where your asshole friends don’t call you back when you want them to most.

The Millionizer must now return to the books, hard