It’s the crest of the hill

In reference to a few hours spent in Hillcrest last Friday night.

TM: You cannot be within 100 feet of a gay man without getting hit on. Mercilessly.

TBU: Do you know how much sex I would have if I were gay? [pause] I should really re-think my position.

TM: My boyfriend is gay!

TBU: I’m gay in every way except the wanting to have sex with men part.

We saw Zach Galifianakis Friday night. I want to give you some highlights but I’m afraid the NSA will flag me and start some obtrusive investigation into my puny life. I already texted something to Ms. A that she promptly deleted for fear of retaliation. Now I’m scared. I can assure you though, it was hilarious. I laughed so hard I’ve been sick all weekend. Well, I’ve been sick all weekend I don’t know if I can blame Zach though. TBU touched Zach as he was out in the crowd and Zach said, “Don’t fucking touch me, I swear to God. I have brittle bones.” I guess you had to be there.

On the way back to meet Ms. A we harassed the Dianetics center on 4th ave. Some invisible guy yelled, “Why don’t you read a book, that’s if you can.” Which is funny, because it’s the fact that I CAN and DO read that keeps me safely away from cults. But whatever. We were drunk and they are easy pickings.

Oh! Guess what? Remember that part about me being sick all weekend? I get to give a stool sample! I place a shallow bowl on top of my toilet seat. Poop. Then scoop a sample and put it into a jar. Then drive it back to the lab. Is that not the most disgusting thing ever?

The Millionizer is keeping her head down and powering through. That chemistry test doesn’t scare her.