I decided to put ads here after some long and serious thought . It was kinda on a whim. I saw Token had some ads and she was all, “I just want to buy a new laptop,” and I was like, “Omigosh! I want a new laptop.” So that’s where it started. I went over to the Blogher ad network  and read the deal over. Apparently, in order to generate more revenue for both parties Blogher takes it upon themselves to promote the blog. I gave them my email address and they promised to get back to me when they were ready to accept more applications. Which was, apparently 2 hours later.

Their reply email um, replied with, ” We’re not ready to open the ad network to general applications, but we saw your wonderful blog on our waiting list, and didn’t want to keep you waiting!” At first I was flattered. But immediately after I was flummoxed.* Was I really that special? So special as to warrant a rush to the head of the line? I wondered if they made everyone sign up and wait for an invitation only to give them a “special” invite 2 hours later.

*I’ve been studying for the GRE and flummoxed just flowed out on to the screen. I had to stop a second and ask myself, “Wait, was I flummoxed?” I looked at my flashcard and confirmed, I was indeed flummoxed.

Regardless, I finished the application, which included my address and social security number. So some very unknown people have pretty much all my information. Right after I sent it, I realized I should have put my mom’s PO box as my address, but oh well. Do I trust the Blogher ad network? I guess I trust them enough.

I have a fear of losing my anonymity though. My mom won’t say a word if my video camera is in the room, on or off. I can’t imagine how she’d react if she found out I mentioned sex on the internet. I’ve read a few old posts and they’re not too bad, but they’re not too great either, from a mom perspective. I know they will generate conversations I don’t want to have, that’s my biggest concern. And there might be a few confidentiality issues with work. But whatever, I make double minimum wage, they can fuck themselves. However, they do pay for my health insurance. I can make some strategic edits, I guess. I did read some things that made me cringe with embarrassment, and not even the overtly ridiculous posts. It was more randoms exclamations and terribly worded sentences.

I pretty much brushed these fears aside and told myself that none of it mattered because Blogher can promote all they want, it doesn’t mean anyone is going to actually like and continue reading this thing. Other than the fact that I publish this blog, there is nothing special here. This self deprecation managed to calm me down. It usually does. Existentialism is magical.

Of course I have to deal with the question, “Am I selling out?” Which is dumb because there is nothing to “sell out.” I think on a typical day maybe 30 people read this blog. A nice round, fathomable number. I like 30. It’s not like I’m sitting on a thousand acres of rainforest and selling to a factory farm that wants to import cheap beef to the US. I am fine with my decision. It is kind of weird though, somehow themillionizer.com becomes less of all mine. Knowing I can always opt out and go back to the way things are right now is comforting though.

If the ads could even pay for hosting it would be awesome. That’s totally plausible because it is cheap and inferior. Oh! It would totally blow my mind if it paid for my hosting AND my internet bill. And if it allowed me to quit my job and touch myself all day. Well, you know I would.

Here’s to hoping it doesn’t get out of control.