The medium is the message
Teebs and I went on a super gnar gnar bike ride Saturday, which I’m still going to refer to as yesterday. We biked several trails at Wilder Ranch, which is pretty effing breathtaking as evidenced here. But the problem is that we are not as hardcore as we think we are so we were pretty tired when we had friends over for dinner. And then we slept all day today so that’s why I’m writing a post at 3am* (Well it was 3am when I started).
The couple who came over is great and all but… First off, they never drink while they’re here. Oh sure, they’ll split a beer and accept glasses of wine. But they won’t actually drink the wine. When I was cleaning up this morning there was a (formerly) perfectly good glass of wine that hadn’t even been touched. The most annoying thing is trying to entertain sober guests. I’m not Martha Stewart here. Also, I am becoming more curmudgeonly in my vegetarianism. TBU tried to convince me to serve meat at our dinner party and I was indignant at the suggestion. If you’re coming over to my house you’re not getting meat, it’s fairly self-explanatory. I told Teebs that no one was expecting meat and they could all fucking deal for one fricking meal. We made stir fry with tempeh, which so happens to be my favorite meal of the moment. I don’t think it was a hit. Which leads me to the second reason I was all annoyed with my dinner guests, or maybe the third reason, because I was already pretty grumpy from being tired after the bike ride. Anyway, they ate before they came! If you’re going to eat before dinner with friends don’t say it. I reckon they did this for a couple of reasons. One, they realized they weren’t getting any meat and ate before because, as TBU said, “Carnivores don’t think they’ve eaten until they’ve had meat. What you have planned is an elaborate snack in their eyes.” Which, if true, is dumb. Or, two, they didn’t actually eat beforehand but didn’t enjoy the meal and explained away their lack of consumption with lies. For the record, TBU made a delicious tempeh stir fry. But that was fine because the left overs came in handy after our nine hour nap today. And overall they just seemed like they wanted to be somewhere else the entire five hours they were here, or maybe that was just me.
Despite sleeping through the bulk of the day I was still productive. By productive I mean watched several episodes of Sunny and took a bike ride downtown. We stopped at uber hip Caffe Pergolessi for hot drinks and a pastry. The double f in caffe should warn you that this place is crawling with pretentious college aged hipsters and other too cool for school types, but the homemade whipped cream and sexy non-smoking deck make it all worth the trouble. I was mostly done with my peppermint tea when Douchey McStretchedEarlobes hunkered down on the non-smoking deck and proceeded to light a cigarette. I whispered to TBU, “Hey that guy’s smoking!” the way a five year old tells on someone. TBU started to turn around to direct Douchey McStretchedEarlobes, Duke of Unwashed Hair and Tattoo Sleeves, to the smoking deck but I didn’t even want to deal with what was probably going to be a blood boiling response to a simple request, so before he could say anything I said, “No, no let’s just go!” As we walked down the deck to our bikes I felt a little defeated, like we should have stood our ground. So I made sure to give him a good stern look as we made our way out.
All’s well that ends well though because just as we began to bike down the street we crossed paths with Smiling Mike. Mike has the highest levels of naturally occurring serotonin of any adult with a normally functioning endocrine system. He takes happy to a new level. I am jealous of him. If we all had one tenth the optimism and general good naturedness of this guy I can’t even begin to tell you what kind of utopia we’d have on our hands. It would be a polyamorous utopia though, ‘cuz monogamy is not something he’s down with. I don’t know what Mike does or where he lives or how he makes money. TBU went to college with him and that’s all the concrete facts I got on him. He’s constantly out of the country. Every time we see him, he’s on his skateboard, it’s downtown and by chance. I knew it was him before I actually knew it was him. Blond dude, huge smile for no reason, skating, pink shoe laces = Smiling Mike. He saw me and before he brought his board to a complete stop he was hugging me and shouting, “I love you guys!” I know I’ve made my stance clear on hugging before but hugs from Smiling Mike are always acceptable, which says a lot about this guy considering he might be homeless.
On the ride home we were talking about monogamy and how it’s the only thing that’d work for Teebs and I. We’re just too lazy to be continually meeting people and talking to them and figuring out how they want to be fucked. TBU is afraid of any possible STDs and I am with him on that. And yeah, we do love each other too much to add other people into the mix, I guess.
* Typing 3am reminds me of that Matchbox 20 song of the same name. I went to a Matchbox 20 concert when I was 14, I’m glad I’m not 14 anymore.
The Millionizer is off to milk the next 3.5 hours before her alarm goes off