Someone specific
So yeah, I’ve been having a pretty hard time. Aki was our special man and he got hit by a car and his last moments were spent with others. Oh god, “others” sounds so dirty and mean, like xenophobic. But gaw who fucking hit our cat and left him bleeding there for people to find him who knows how long after? It’s weird, knowing myself and my inherent asshole-ness I figured I wouldn’t be able to look at any of my neighbors without assuming it was them and their car who smashed into his face and kept going. But really I say hi and smile like normal. For my own sanity I assume whoever did it didn’t know and that it was a complete accident. Because that’s all I can handle right now.
But I spent the first week praying for rain to wash away the blood stain in the driveway. I imagined the first tepid drops of rain loosening the stain. Then the water would come with conviction and beat it out of the asphalt and finally the biggest drops and the wind would wash it all away. We finally got rain last week, after beautiful days, days Aki would have loved to spend outside. Days that would have been hard to get him to come in and eat something.
I’ve only walked down the driveway once since it happened and the whole time I was gripping a mug of tea and hyperventilating. Every time I drive in I stare at the sky and get a heavy feeling in my chest. It’s really hard when every time you leave or come home you know you are passing over the exact spot where someone you love died in a horrifically painful way. Ugh.
I know you probably aren’t a dog person, but if Gus could, he’s snore on you right now. That’s how he shows his love, by falling asleep like a dead weight in the exact spot where you are also trying to fall asleep.
And then, if he could, he’d fart on you too. That’s how you know he’s accepted you as his alpha, when he doesn’t even both to take it into the next room.
The shitty thing about owning and loving pets is that they never live as long as we do. And each time you fall in love with a new pet you have to face that fact.
I’m totally a dog person! I’m an animal person, except for rabbits, they’re not cuddly enough.
I wish Gus could snorgle me. Animal farts crack me up.
All their cuteness outweighs always outliving them.
It’s awful, I know.
But…
Somehow I like this sad connection of us mourning our beloved friends at the same time.
Hugging you…
I’ve got no words of wisdom or sage advice but I am sending catloaves and warm kitty vibes your way.
I am so sorry, that is just too awful
Wish I had something to say but no words.
Token: Yes, that was not lost on me. When your Minnikins died I was like OH HOW AWFUL! because it is and we just put Precious to sleep a couple months ago so it was still fresh. But now it is really fresh and I sympathize even more.
Jennifer: Thank you, warm anything is welcome.
I know time just needs to pass but it was so unexpected it just feels really hard.