I try not to write a post unless I get some sort of cosmic push to do so. That’s why I sometimes go for weeks at a time without a new post, leaving the same useless words to represent me on the internet.

I was kinda surprised that I didn’t get inspiration from the pending inauguration, I guess it was like the election where I had so much going on in my head that I couldn’t get it all straight enough to do anything about it. But also after the election I breathed a sigh of relief and it was sort of, you know, over. Obviously it wasn’t wasn’t OVER over but when you finish the marathon it seems impossible to get dressed up and go to the party. That was a horrible analogy but it’s all I got.

I’ve been actively following national politics since late 2000. I was a senior in high school, 17 and in AP government. I was the youngest in my class with my birthday at the very end of the school year. I completely missed the deadline to vote in the 2000 election. I remember being so jealous listening to everyong else talk about the voting booth and whatnot.

At the same time I worked at the San Diego KOA where we had tons of international guests. It was the first time I realized that US politics is a world wide event because the US government is a worldwide force. I was 17 and these backpacking cosmopolitans were asking MY opinion of our government. Luckily, I really liked AP government and actually had coherent, well thought out ideas. It felt amazing.

When bush took office in 2001, I didn’t really know what it meant. Clinton had just been president for the last 8 years, since I was nine. So I didn’t know anything different. I had no judgements about red vs blue or preconceived notions about republicans and democrats. It just was.

I got in to UC Santa Cruz and was set to move into the dorms on September 14, 2001. Three days earlier my mom came rushing to my bed and turned on the TV. I very clearly remember she was wearing her bra, she held eyeliner in one hand and a hand held mirror in the other. She kept screaming my name, “Watch the TV! Watch the TV!” All I saw was a gaping hole in one of the towers. To be completely honest, I don’t think I was ever aware of the towers before that moment. The voices were a blur. If I remember correctly, it was still dark out. None of it made sense. She went to the bathroom and continued getting ready. I heard the clang of her curling iron on the counter and the sounds of her bathroom drawers with all her nifty mom creams and serums. Then out of fucking no where, with the world’s lens’ pointed right at it, a plane flew into the second tower.

I sat up, I was still confused but I was awake. “Mom!” But she was already there, both her eyes lined and with mascara. The announcers had warned us that another plane was headed for the second tower as they saw it approach. We both heard their voices in their throats. I looked at her and asked with complete seriousness, “Is this a joke? I don’t understand.” All she said was that she didn’t know.

I had no personal connection to the World Trade Center, the towers, New York and it felt like September 11 wasn’t even connected to me. I watched objectively but with fascination all day long. I watched them fall with clean precision and while my eyes welled up at the sight I thought to myself, “I can’t believe they fell so perfectly, the other buildings are fine.” I figured it was the one good thing that happened that day.

As we made our way up the California coast in the following days, the farthest anyone could have been from the destruction in the contiguous US, I didn’t have the questions I have now. UCSC delayed the start of the quarter to allow those who couldn’t get flights to arrive. That left me and my dormmates with extra time to be reckless with our lives.

Sometimes I wonder what my academic life would have been like if 9/11 hadn’t happened when it did. What would our culture be like? Would I even be the same? Would I have the same political beliefs? Well probably, because I don’t see how 9/11 not happening would change my mind about womens rights, gay rights, medical benefits, access to education… But I do think that the aftermath of it made me more aware of human rights around the world. I took great offense when the bushies used womens rights in the Arab world as a means to justify the invasion of Iraq. I do think that I am more conscious of my government’s global ripple effect and the admittedly small part I play in it. And if for nothing else I am grateful.

So what finally pushed me to write something? I was downtown today, there was a small group of people comprised of many shades and ages making a grid of duct tape attached to a metal pipe frame. In the grid they were attaching all kinds of diy posters of black history figures and posters of quotes. It was quite inventive. They also made huge signs saying PEACE and placed them all over town. But that wasn’t what really got me. There was a dude with an amp blaring Obama’s speech today. My eyes followed the orange extension cord into a store . People heard it and slowed down, stopped and listened. It didn’t hurt that it was an absolutely amazing day in Santa Cruz. But even that wasn’t what got me. It was my drive home, listening to NPR, listening to all the stories they had, listening to the callers. It was also the fireworks in my neighborhood, there is almost nothing fireworks can’t get me pumped up for. I hope you can forgive and stomach the following sentiment. It was all those things. And that’s kinda how we are. We are almost powerless alone but together we can push ourselves over the edge.

I know logically that Obama is not going to be a perfect president and maybe not even a good president. I know that he is going to have to play the game just like every politician before him. I said to TBU tonight, “I’m surprised bush hasn’t tried to pull some last minute new world order.” TBU said, “He doesn’t have to, all the same people are still in power.” And sadly, he’s right. But I hope the fact that Obama was elected at all means something, even if it’s small.

Right before Christmas Teebs signed us up for Amazon Prime, which basically hypnotizes me into buying random things from Amazon. Late Friday night I followed a link from Twitter belittling Gwyneth’s GOOP. It was the article about her “organic plastic surgeon” in fact, I think it was that exact phrase warranting the tweet. I was like, “Whhaaaat? They do that now? I need to know more.” Anyway, somehow I found myself researching exercise videos and squeezed some pleasure out of reading reviews. Then I stumbled upon this one and found myself powerless against the urge to buy it. Look at those review stats! Only three 1 star reviews out of 633?! That’s fuckdiculous. It was only $8.49 and I get 2 day shipping at no extra charge so really, my hands were tied behind my back. It would have been stupid not to buy it.

Then that led to a slough of other cool but not entirely necessary purchases, because it was fun and they would be delivered to my door by Wednesday! Next I bought this heart rate monitor to wear while I do the 30 day shred. I had been eyeing one at Costco for a while and they sent me a $15 off coupon for it. Then I read the packaging and learned it was a men’s heart rate monitor. The fuck Costco? And btw, yes, it DOES make a difference.

Today, a co-worker needed a new cell phone battery. She searched all day to no avail. I found it on Amazon and even after 1 day shipping it’s still $15 cheaper than it would have been if I hadn’t forced her to let me abuse my Amazon Prime membership.

But then the buying spree took a turn for the worst and spilled out onto non-Amazon sites that had no awesome shipping membership. Remember how my iPhone broke and rendered itself almost useless because the lcd screen can’t keep itself attached to the glass just because of a few (hundred) drops, falls and spills? Well since my warranty is already non-existent because of my jailbreaking and hacking I thought it would be a great idea to spend a ridiculous amount on a non-guaranteed replacement that I have to install myself on the off chance that it’ll work and I can stop using this god-awful phone T-mobile sent me for signing up. I’ll keep you posted on how that spark of brilliance turns out.

The Millionizer needs to freeze her debit card in ice, or something

I want to throw myself on the ground so I can throw a proper fit. I dropped my iPhone for the thirteen thousand time today. It was the straw, THE STRAW! It still functions, it just looks like shit. I dropped it a couple days after Christmas and I thought that was bad, I yearn for those very recent days.

So I guess it’s time I look you straight in the eyes and tell you I did not get into UCSF. For a couple days I was so crushed I could barely breathe. But that wore off and I fabricated plans b, c, and d with my anger grief revenge energy. Apparently UCSF doesn’t want excellent nurses who had to overcome only moderate hardships in life. They want the real miracle children. You know, the Ugandan refugees who created a foundation and saved their village and managed to take all the pre-reqs. WHATEVER UCSF. That’s fine, I’m fine. Your program is ridiculously priced anyway. So yeah.

I am applying to at least three more programs. They are all way cheaper and shorter, but they are 2nd bachelor’s instead of master’s programs. I don’t want to say where I’m applying because they are not impacted. Yet. These nursing programs go from 0-60 in 2 months. One month I meet all the requirements and I’m really competitive and the next month TBU told your girlfriend, who’s also applying to nursing schools, about the non-impacted programs The Millionizer has found and then suddenly my measely 3.84 GPA (in pre-reqs) is chicken shit.

Speaking of shit, I lost mine yesterday when TBU told me he mentioned my #1 choice to his friends girlfriend. Now she wants to talk to me and TBU wants us all to have dinner together. I said, fine, I’ll talk to her but I’m going to say these programs aren’t accredited or some crazy shit. TBU was all miffed at my plan to sabatoge. Really though, what did he expect? I am fucking tired of being poor. Nurses may be (portrayed as) loving caregivers but getting into nursing school is cut throat. I’m sure he was right when he said only good would come from me helping someone else but I didn’t want to take the chance.