Apartment living

The other day we got a letter on our door from our landlord. They’re doing a yearly inspection of all the apartments to make sure the fire alarms are working and to check up on the condition of the apartment. So the following things need to be addressed before next Thursday.

• The fire alarms need to be reattached
• The leaky faucet in the bathroom
• The bleach stains on the carpet
• The broken closet door
• The several missing vertical blinds
• The broken kitchen drawer
• The broken screen door
• The compost pile in the backyard

Something tells me landlords don’t think highly of pits filled with food waste on their property. To be fair though, I don’t think we can attract any more skunks, possums or raccoons. And as important as fire alarms are, it’s more important to stop the ear stabbing when they confuse a minor toaster oven situation with an actual fire. Why are there so many things that we should have already called the landlord about but haven’t? Because the handyman he sends over is a fucking creep and he’s the one who caused the bleach stains on the carpet.

The Millionizer used to want to be a professional swimmer before Michael Phelps smoked some weed. Now she doesn’t care about anything.