I had a minor, panicked freakout last night when I thought I missed a posting for one of my online classes. I calculated my final grade with the points I missed and realized that I would have to get everything for the rest of the semester 100% correct to get an A. I got really pissed about getting a B in a one unit online class that is really just busy work. Then I got even more pissed at the B I got in my lab test, and the B I got in the lecture test and the B I got on my last English paper. I worked out and felt better. I checked again and noticed that I never even missed that posting. But last night I dreamt that I leaned in to smell an enticing jasmine bush and got stung by a bee on my face. And that’s really what all these B’s feel like a pussy* slap in the face. I guess it just means that I can’t be cocky and that I have to study like I know I’m supposed to.

*Pussy like pus-sy like pus NOT like vagina. I realized there is no good way of saying that without it seeming uncouth. Unless I’m doing it wrong.

I think my mom is onto my online shenaniganery. She leaves me these hilarious voicemails so I casually tweeted that I want to start a blog of just her recorded voicemails. She abruptly stopped leaving me messages. I would see a missed call from her but no voicemail! It was tragic. I asked her about it and she was all vague and mumbly. So I have resorted to never picking up the phone when I know it’s her in a strategic move to get more blog material. And it’s kinda working but the messages aren’t nearly as golden as before. She’s really holding back the crazy.

Speaking of crazy, I prefer my hair to look like that of a crazy person. But a hot crazy person. Just crazy enough.

I’m sitting outside and it’s 52 degrees. I know that sounds awesome to some of you but I am freezing. Why am I sitting outside then? Because I have managed to create a lovely fucking backyard and goddammit I am going to sit in it and enjoy it.

Last week, Costco had these bistro tables for an absurdly reasonable price and it was just the touch I had been bargain hunting for. Ideally I would have liked to find a barely usable set for almost free at the flea market or something but that never happened so I settled for a brand new one. I am not complaining though, no not I. And all the flowers are flowering and the fuschia plants are dripping with their delicate blooms. The birds are flirting with each other. In a month when it is unbearable out here I will be grateful for these chilly mornings. Have I mentioned drinking booze out here is awesome? Come over, I’ll prove it.

Back to the bistro table though. I was at Costco yesterday and all the sets were gone. And I shared my thoughts of superiority for good decision making with TBU. He politely agreed.

Onward and upwards folks, let’s power through this.

Took a lab test today. I’m pretty sure I got an A. I have a lecture test on Tuesday.

I don’t have enough hours at work, and I’m the only one who remembers it.

I’m watching Season one of Mad Men on blu-ray. Oh, Don Draper you’re not as handsome as they say you are but I’ll play along anyway.

My mom comes in tomorrow and I still haven’t cleaned up. I don’t know if I’m going to. I am thinking about all the alcohol I won’t be drinking while she’s here. But I did spend a shit ton of money on stuff for my garden and that always gives me mixed emotions. I should have done something more um, useful with my meager means but I also really like have a pretty garden so… you know. Even?

I want the total and complete soundtrack to Dirty Dancing, except “Wipeout” that song sucks.

I know it’s probably sacrelig but I really can’t stand Garrison Keeler. Is he drunk? Is he high? These are questions I just can’t deal with while I am the same at 9:01am. I mean jeez, finish just one word without an extra beat at the end.

My boss asked me to work today. I need the hours so I said yes but in protest I made it my business to stay up late and be hung over today. Pshhhh, work on Saturday, bish please.