The Beatitudes
I had a minor, panicked freakout last night when I thought I missed a posting for one of my online classes. I calculated my final grade with the points I missed and realized that I would have to get everything for the rest of the semester 100% correct to get an A. I got really pissed about getting a B in a one unit online class that is really just busy work. Then I got even more pissed at the B I got in my lab test, and the B I got in the lecture test and the B I got on my last English paper. I worked out and felt better. I checked again and noticed that I never even missed that posting. But last night I dreamt that I leaned in to smell an enticing jasmine bush and got stung by a bee on my face. And that’s really what all these B’s feel like a pussy* slap in the face. I guess it just means that I can’t be cocky and that I have to study like I know I’m supposed to.
*Pussy like pus-sy like pus NOT like vagina. I realized there is no good way of saying that without it seeming uncouth. Unless I’m doing it wrong.
I think my mom is onto my online shenaniganery. She leaves me these hilarious voicemails so I casually tweeted that I want to start a blog of just her recorded voicemails. She abruptly stopped leaving me messages. I would see a missed call from her but no voicemail! It was tragic. I asked her about it and she was all vague and mumbly. So I have resorted to never picking up the phone when I know it’s her in a strategic move to get more blog material. And it’s kinda working but the messages aren’t nearly as golden as before. She’s really holding back the crazy.
Speaking of crazy, I prefer my hair to look like that of a crazy person. But a hot crazy person. Just crazy enough.
I’m sitting outside and it’s 52 degrees. I know that sounds awesome to some of you but I am freezing. Why am I sitting outside then? Because I have managed to create a lovely fucking backyard and goddammit I am going to sit in it and enjoy it.
Last week, Costco had these bistro tables for an absurdly reasonable price and it was just the touch I had been bargain hunting for. Ideally I would have liked to find a barely usable set for almost free at the flea market or something but that never happened so I settled for a brand new one. I am not complaining though, no not I. And all the flowers are flowering and the fuschia plants are dripping with their delicate blooms. The birds are flirting with each other. In a month when it is unbearable out here I will be grateful for these chilly mornings. Have I mentioned drinking booze out here is awesome? Come over, I’ll prove it.
Back to the bistro table though. I was at Costco yesterday and all the sets were gone. And I shared my thoughts of superiority for good decision making with TBU. He politely agreed.
Onward and upwards folks, let’s power through this.
have you been reading postcards from your momma? it brings the LOLz.
oh! also, Interwebs, it’s true. booze is super delicious and more relaxing in the Millz’ backyard.
no i have not read postcards from your momma. but i am about to!
What? No fire pit? How can I come and drink vodka with no fire pit?
token, i know! i totally WANT a fire pit but it’s just not prudent considering we’re renting and someday we’ll have to haul it off somewhere. i was thinking of a chiminea but same problem applies. i swear, it’s still worth it though!