The Millionizer

WARNING: porn is described and if you have images you would like to keep out of your brain I suggest skipping a certain paragraph, I’ll let you know. Because I fucking wish someone had warned me.

The absolute worst time to mention anything that I find even remotely unsettling is when I’m high. Once I ate a ganja edible and couldn’t fathom leaving the house for an improv party. In the interest of staying on topic I won’t rant about the fuckery that is an improv party. Instead, I stayed home and watched Rock of Love while TBU went and claimed my illness. I previously kinda enjoyed Rock of Love but almost had a mental breakdown while watching it. I was rocking back and forth near tears at the baseness of humanity. Every time I’m high I believe that I see through all the bullshit into society’s real intentions. And by intentions I mean evil intentions. I’ve come up with several theories while high, that I still firmly stand by, no matter how cacamamie (sp?!). Like how the government secretly funds big budget, hive like TV shows like Lost in order to coerce people into complacency that weren’t previously rounded up by lesser forms of entertainment, Everybody Loves Raymond anyone? There is a reason I had to curtail the habit.

Last Saturday night I was persuaded to partake. When I said no, everyone was all, “Noooooo, Millz you’re the best when you’re high!” “C’mon!” So like the forever 16 year old that I am, I did it. How wrong they all were.

**Start skipping**

Like two seconds after I started in with my marijuana induced babble TBU said, “Do you guys want to hear about the coolest thing I saw in a porn?” In my head I was like NOOOOO noooOOOO nOOOOOOO! But I only made a face that said you are the biggest fucking retard, why would I want to hear that right now? Apparently TBU doesn’t read faces so he proceeded to tell us about a scene where two chicks were lesbians (first off: I’m sure they were real life lesbians second: how fucking original) and they needed a place to live so some guy was all, oh you can live here but I get to fuck you guys. Just that was enough to get me SO FUCKING IRRITATED. But that wasn’t the worst part. So the dude starts doing it with one chick but then has the other chick put her mouth right next to the other girls vag so the guy could stick his dick in one hole and then the other.

**You can decide to stop skipping now**

It wasn’t so much that mental image that bothered me. I mean, I have seen a few porns in my life (I hate the word porno, I will not use it). But the image that it conjured up came to symbolize the utter disgust I had at the whole situation. So in the week that’s almost passed it’s been replaying like an unwelcomed guest in my head and every time I see it I get angry like really, really fucking angry. So angry it’s been ruining my whole week, I couldn’t listen to Adam Carolla, I couldn’t watch TV without wanting to pop a cap in “the man’s” ass.

What angered me about it was 1. The reason TBU thought it was soooo disgusting. It wasn’t because women were being exploited for whatever dick accommodating hole they possessed but because one girl got a mouthfull of a dick that had just been in another chick. Why is that the gross part? Weren’t they just lezzing out? He can’t tell me or anyone he hasn’t had a face full of vag. 2. The porn industry is by and large just fucked up. 3. I’m extremely sensitive to sexual abuse issues.

I have always instinctively seen the inner workings of things. I was the kid who wanted to go behind rides at Disneyland and see them move. I have never been able to watch any sort of media without thinking of the crew that set up the lights, what the actors were thinking as they did whatever they did on screen, how the movie got funded, how that shot was set up, how the editor thought of that crazy technique etc. etc. etc. And it’s only gotten worse since I graduated college where I delighted in learning to deconstruct the theory and essence of moving pictures. So, when I see porn now I don’t see hot sex. I mostly see sad girls with sad smiles wearing a lot of makeup, acting out past abuses and the dudes who are fucking them onscreen and behind the scenes. I see the director coming up with ridiculous postions and ordering them up. I see girls and women who are leasing their bodies for a $1200 shoot in Simi Valley and the hope of one tomorrow. I see the bruises no one bothered to cover up. I see a lot of emptiness. What I don’t see is how anyone can get off on that.

I’m totally aware of the exceptions to these rules and that’s part of my argument. Because I’m not offended by the theory of porn. I don’t think it’s inherently wrong and I fully support the freedom of sex to be a commodity by consenting adults. But just like we don’t support the idea of our shoes and clothes being made by people who’ve been stripped of their rights, why should we support the idea of women being tossed around by the porn industry? Why not support porn that puts women in a position of power? That’s not what turns you on you say? That’s fine because I don’t necessarily mean a position of power during sex. I mean a position of power in the industry that markets and sells their bodies.

Those women are out there and I thinks it’s important that they are supported. If you want porn, quality porn where the woman is actually enjoying it and her screams are of actual pleasure, find a woman who makes her own. Or find a company like Kink.com that gives the talent the right to their bodies on screen. Yes, these porn venues usually cost money. But that’s kinda good because when you give them money you make their business model viable and you encourage other similarly focused business models. That increases distribution and access. Just like we support local, sustainable agriculture, just like we support renewable energy.

I’m not going to hold my breath but wouldn’t it be fucking nice if porn was no longer the dumping ground for sexual abuse (trying to) survivors? Wouldn’t it be nice if they were kinda forced to find a more healthy outlet to work their shit out in?

TBU’s answer to this was to just not talk to me about porn anymore. I don’t think he gets my point. I’m not angry that he watches porn, I genuinely don’t care. What bothers me is him busting a nut to the exploitation of women who are in a desparate situation. True, I don’t have empirical evidence that these women were abused or are currently being abused but as long as he’s not directly supporting the production of porn where women are seen as business, creative and sexual equals he’s supporting the status quo. And that is the worst part. That is the feeling that accompanies the image I’ve been seeing all week.

The Millionizer says TBU is due for a post about his awesomeness