****I just found this gem on my screen, written at 3:02am. I don’t remember writing it****

Sometimes I’m just like, “What’s Zach Galifianakis up to?” And then I check his facebook page. Which, is clearly not personal but I feel like it could be. And so I check it thinking I could possibly, maybe get a glimpse into the glamorous world of Zach G. But it’s a lie, A LIE!

Remember in 2008 when I almost died of stomach acid poisoning? Well all it started at a Zach Galifianakis show. TBU and I both had a Fat Tire and upon our first sip both exclaimed that it tasted weird, but drank away nonetheless. And we continued drinking so that on our way home (home meaning Ms A’s current manlover’s l0vely apartment in Hillcrest above a restaurant that only serves esoteric hunting game) we harassed the scientology center and yelled about racism on billboards for planned communities. I don’t know exactly what caused my stomach lining malfunction but I blame my own need to get drunk and the Fat Tire that filled that need.

I used to sleep eeeevery day.

You guys right now, at this point in my life, at 26 years old, after cleaning up my fiance’s food chunks soaked in absinthe and throwing a blanket over a man on the couch, there are two things in life I recommend. Kings of Leon and Friday Night Lights. That’s it. Yes I know, I’m perpetually a 16 year old but I don’t want to meet the person who can resist this shit.

A bit pretench? Over the top? Doesn’t matter, that guy who is making you feel like you’ve got something in your teeth has got the best voice in music since NKTOB. I downloaded an album not realizing it was live until I wondered what all the hooting and hollering was about and bothered to look at my iPhone. That speaks for the whole band. Two other pluses are that they have songs about road head and lovesick vampires and it makes your giny tickle. So get on track and pick me up some bottles of booze.

Ok and Friday Night Lights. I’m almost ready to promise to stop talking about this but I’m serious, watch it. It’s not all about football, it’s about life and rooting for #7.

That’s number 7, tell me he’s not adorable. Still no? Ok how about now?

Ok well if Matt Saracen working at the Alamo Freeze doesn’t do it for you, then you’re probably more of a #33 kind of whore girl person.

I mean that’s fine if that’s what you’re into, sure Tim Riggins is easy to look at.

But you know he’s overdue for a visit to the clinic. So you have fun with that hot piece of #33.

OK, that’s it, I swear, no more Friday Night Lights but only because I’m sure I’ve convinced you all to watch the first three seasons which are easily accessible on Netflix watch instantly, get it done people! Otherwise we’re not going to have anything to talk about.

Alright. It’s getting down to it. The wedding, adulthood, middle age. Although you wouldn’t know it from the night I had. If I hadn’t bothered to look at a calendar in eight years I would have thought it was freshman year in the dorms, complete with drublic punkeness, getting lost, falling in bushes, throwing up, people longer than your couch sleeping on your couch and passing out before brushing one’s teeth. It doesn’t help this was all done with people I actually went to college with. Ain’t much changed. But that’s good, I love these guys.

I feel like I want to write about my job but I just don’t even know where to start. I just don’t know. It’s not all bad, but this one girl, this one goddamn nasty girl with body acne who picks then looks at her fingers – no! I won’t go any further. Six months then I’m CEO guaranteed.

In writing this post I got side tracked by Kings of Leon you tube videos and I realized that music videos have a completely different language than film or TV. In their effort to include all band members, if you read it like a film it would play with strong homosexual under overtones. Watch Sex On Fire and try not to see it. I dare you.

Side note – the lead singer of Kings recently spoke publicly about his anorexia. Disordered eating club, high five! I mean, I wish you recovery and a sound self image.

Is he not doing it for you? Is this not enough to convince you to listen to things I tell you to listen to? I mean, his voice, my goodness. I imagine it’s like when Ms A first watched Jesus Christ Superstar and got chills. He is that good, they all are. Ok, now I think I can commit to no more KOL talk. I can’t guarantee a time frame but for the remainder of this post, I’m done. How can someone be so beautiful and have the voice he has, unfair. That man got more than his share of good genes. Ok, I’m done, I’m done. But he’s like hard to look at straight on, right?

Sweet TBU is passed out next to me in his clothes, his glasses askew and all oblivious to the blue light from the laptop and the typing. Adorable. It doesn’t hurt that the cat who got high and cost me a $200 vet visit is cuddling with him and purring. My boys!

Me though, I’m not tired. I had half a cup of coffee at 8:30 yesterday morning. So I don’t expect to sleep until Sunday night. Just in time to get a good night’s sleep for work.

Haha, remember when I was obsessed with Brandon Flowers? I’ve moved from mormons to pentecostals. When will a nice hot Atheist boy come along? Geez America, is this all you have to offer me?

Ok, I’m going to end this dinosaur now. But I will tell you what we’re being for Halloween. I will be a Girl Scout, wearing the uniform I wore when I was a Girl Scout. Scarily enough, it pretty much all fits me. TBU is going as Zombie Johnny. As in Zombie Johnny Castle from Dirty Dancing. As in Zombie Patrick Swayze. Too soon?

The Millionizer can see the giggling virgins overlooking me

I’d like to say this will be the last time I talk about this but who knows? sometimes shit comes up.

So Canadian gossip, your favorite kind of gossip!

I don’t know where to start, it was simultaneously all encompassing and totally insignificant. I guess I’ll start by saying TBU has a crush on one of his cousins, he knows I know this and denies it. Maybe crush is too far, it’s more of a need for her to like him. A strong need. As evidenced by him declaring that he is her favorite cousin, to which each and every time she responded with laughter. She never agreed or reciprocated. Really TBU, get a clue.

He wasn’t really flirtatious with her, that I saw anyway, but he did leave me to stay up all night with her. He got upset with me because I was upset with him for leaving me in the cabin while he stayed out with her until 5am. I was like what. the. fuck. soon to be married man? He said that I was ruining his relationship with his family because he was acting different because of me. His relationship with everyone else was exactly as healthy as he left it, I assure you. It was her he was referring to. Long term committed relationships don’t have to mean not having any fun, but there are also people’s feelings involved in those relationships that should be respected. For example, now that we live in San Diego, Savage wants to go surfing with me. Savage and I are completely platonic friends. But if I were to go surfing with Savage I know that it might make TBU not jealous, but uncomfortable. In a way that can’t really be articulated. There is no word for it that I know. We both know that we love each other and that we would never cheat on each other, so that’s not the issue. The issue is simply respect of the other’s feelings and not wanting to do anything that would hurt the other, even if both parties understand that nothing happened. I imagine that TBU knowing that my and Savage’s wet bodies would touch while in the water would bother him. I suspect that TBU would not want Savage to put his arms around me as I fell, because I will fall, or that he would want us to spend our day frolicking on the beach. Not because he doesn’t trust me but because he would feel left out, or something. It just wouldn’t make him feel good. So thus far I have declined the offer, because I want TBU to be secure in the fact that I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him, even if it was completely innocent.

TBU doesn’t see his actions in the same way. I don’t know exactly how he sees it but it seems to me that he is always trying to prove a point. Like, “I can get away with this and you shouldn’t be bothered because I say so.” Well I am. When I called him on the whole 5am thing he told me that he was “holding back” so I wouldn’t get jealous. OH WELL. EXCUUUUUUSE ME. I’m sorry you have to hold back from flirting with people in my presence. I am only your fiance after all, don’t let me stop you.

Like when he was ignoring me for some reason (I forget why, it’s hard to keep track of this shit) I started to play horseshoes with his cousins. He really can’t stand it if I have fun without him when he’s trying to make me feel bad. Two girls were swimming and he saw his chance. On his way into the lake he yelled, “Your bathing suit is in the cabin if you want to come in.” Now what do you think the intention behind that remark was? It certainly wasn’t to invite me to swim with him. Because I know where my swimsuit is and I know that you know I know where it is, thankyouverymuch. Plus I’m in the middle of a game. No, he said that so I would know he was going swimming with two girls without me. For some reason he thinks he’s so sly. Is this a TBU thing? I can’t imagine all men who are on the brink of turning 29 are this way.

Whenever I call him on any of this he doesn’t see his actions as a problem, he claims I’m jealous. It isn’t jealousy, but him calling me jealous implies that he thinks there is something I should be jealous of, which instantly puts a shade of suspicion on his actions. I can see why he wants me to be jealous though. Because it’s easy and petty and it releases him from being responsible for his actions. It’s something that makes me the issue instead of him. God forbid he be the issue, then he would have to you know, actually change. In fact, it’s really hard to make me jealous. I guess the only thing I’m ever jealous of is people who are with partners who don’t do this shit.

I know in the last post I said that this cousin girl, Jenna I think I called her, wasn’t the issue and really she’s not. But a lesser issue, aside from TBU acting like a teenager, is that I just don’t like her. And even if TBU didn’t have this whole thing for her, I still wouldn’t like her. She has the exact qualities of this girl who used to be my best friend in elementary school, by high school we were still acquaintances but I had to stop all communication with her because she was so obnoxious.

When I first met Jenna, I saw the similarities but I had no evidence so I went against my gut. Note to self: never go against your gut. She’s one of those people who inexplicably attracts attention at all times. She makes people feel like they are important to her when she wants something but doesn’t reciprocate the friendship. People continue to think she’s the best even though they’re lamenting all the shit she does, how she manipulates them. Evidence, she told one of her cousins that she would give them a bunch of furniture for their new house but that they needed to give her a ride home from the cabin. On the day they were supposed to leave Jenna decided she wanted to sit around and drink martinis for several hours before she would leave. So there was her cousin not being able to drink at happy hour, waiting and waiting, so she could give Jenna a ride, so Jenna would give her some furniture. The whole time the cousin just talked shit about Jenna but wouldn’t leave her there because, well I don’t know why. I guess I’ve grown out of caring if I’m popular, I would’ve left when I felt like it. But this girl is one of those people who manages to convince others that she’s worth their time. When Jenna decided she was drunk enough, she said it was time to go, not the person who was the unwilling designated driver.

So I think that’s what bothers me even more about TBU’s need for this girl to like him. That he’s vying so hard for someone’s attention that in his ordinary life he would laugh at. We would laugh, roll our eyes and stay far away. But for some reason he doesn’t see all this. He thinks they’re close, when it’s obvious to me that she makes everyone feel that way. I guarantee you she doesn’t share the feeling, he’s just someone she sees once a year who she likes to drink with. But really, who doesn’t this girl like to drink with?

I know no relationship is perfect and aside from all this nonsense, life with TBU is pretty fucking awesome. I don’t know what goes on in his mind. There’s some kind of divide, something he’s working out in his head. I don’t know. Does anyone else experience something like this in their relationships? Anyone, anyone?

The Millionizer is gonna go take some pills to not have babies and then some pills to relax