My mom got my hair done last night before I got on the plane. I was like, Mom, I’m getting pink stripes in my hair. And she was like, No you’re not. -Yes I am. -Not if I’m paying for it. <giggle, giggle> I got my hair done while she was at work. And it’s pink. I’ve never had my hair colored professionally, like professionally primary colored. I’ve always gone to the drug store and made my bathroom the scene of a murder. But it turns out so much nicer when someone who is paid to do it, does it. Mom loves it. She liked it even better as she watched me go through security at the airport and easily spotted me. She called me as I was going up the escalator to the terminal and stalkerishly whispered, I see you, you’re on the escalator. I turned around and we blew each other kisses. I miss Mom, she’s amazing. She’s 56 and working on her bachelor’s degree. How cool is that? She also chastises me for judging people in the same breath that she points out a teetering fat lady in sausage jeans and toothpick stilettos. We watch intently, one day that inappropriately dressed fat lady is going fall and we’ll be ready.

Also, my former co-worker got a sewing machine and it’s the exact same one as mine. No big deal, except that I’m a dork and read her post about getting a noise machine and ran out and bought the exact same one. I’m using it tonight for the first time. I hope it’s as effective as the fan. I love me the fan. What you’re thinking is, So the fuck what? You would be right, I have no point to this. I am just easily amused.

I had a jolly good time in San Diego this Christmas. There were hangovers (totally Sir Chinko’s fault) but there was no peeing on myself or throwing up. And that is what I call a success. Sir Chinko deftly summarizes my non-Mom related experiences here and here.

X is supposed to be in the Santa C next week. I hope she isn’t teasing me like she used to do with the boys back before she was a mondo slut. Except now she is just a slut for Snake. So it’s like it never happened. It’s just because I love you X. And also because I’m terribly jealous of your sexual exploits. Terribly. My point being that I AM SO EXCITED THAT X IS (maybe totally, hopefully?) COMING TO VISIT! Drinking and loud laughing, woot!

Ok, let’s all think about p-kitty’s mass shrinking into the ether and never returning.

The Millionizer has poor boundaries and just spent like 4 hours registering for Yelp. Don’t waste your time, it is easier and more satisfying to just start a whole new blog of your reviews. Because hay-seuss kreesto customizing that shit is impossible. Yelp, fix yo shit.

[tags]lymphoma, yelp, san diego, christmas, inappropriate imagery[/tags]

She was having trouble breathing, her nose was bleeding and she was really congested. After almost $200, she was sent home with some love, syringe food and antibiotics.

Oh yeah, they also gave her fluids under her skin which formed a camel hump on her back. Not her most dignified look.

Yesterday TBU went snowboarding, when I woke up she was so much worse. I took her back to the vet and they decided that she a) had some foreign body in her nasal cavity or b) had a fungal infection. Either way it was going to cost about $1000 to find out. So they did her procedure and wait, whaa? No, we’re sorry, it’s actually going to be closer to $1300. And yeah, no we didn’t find any foreign body. We gave her some medication in case it’s a fungal infection but it could be a cancerous growth. We’ll get the results from the biopsy late next week. Merry Christmas!

So here she is after her endoscopy procedure. Notice her pathetic shaven upper paws. Oh the humanity! Why would they do this to me? Can’t I at least go outside? Answer: no.

Good news is that when we woke up this morning she was breathing silently and seemed back to her old Millionizer hating self. Hating the Millionizer, the barometer of health.

And just for kicks, here’s what has become of the feral kitty we rescued 2 years ago. Mostly he’s calm but just underneath lies this…

I will fucking kill you fucking bastards!

Look at that mane!

We went to Costco to fill the precious one’s prescription and at less than $7, it was the cheapest thing about the whole situation. She is doing better now and we’re fairly confident that she has some sort of fungal infection.

Merry Christmas folks. Also, I’m gonna do an uberlist at some point. So should you. Mmmkay?